Getting Better
by LoveNotesAndLies
Summary: Once Edward left, Bella found drugs. After being kicked out of Charlie's house & her friends' house, she moved into the Cullen's old place. Of course they came back. BxE. M for drug use, sexual references & language. Bella OOC. 130 FAV's!
1. Meet Courtney and Taylor

**Summary & Author's note**: When Edward left, Bella turned to drugs…then he came back. No, it may not be that original of a plot. But screw you, I'm making it great! At least, I'll try. Keep in mind, though, that this is supposed to be from the POV (most of the time) of a drug addict. (Not me, Bella silly!) Drug addiction is a mental illness. Please try not to disrespect anyone in any reviews or whatever? I'd appreciate that a whole lot. Haha.

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all! I'm just stepping into her world and messing with the characters and plot. : P**

**

* * *

**

When he first left, I'll admit, I was a complete mess. I wouldn't eat or talk. I sat around for a week doing nothing. I couldn't even cry – it hurt too much. Naturally, all of my thoughts were about him and his family. Eventually, I went back to school and pretended to be okay. Looking back now, I don't think I did a very good job of pretending.

I rarely watched TV because it reminded me too much of him. But when I did for the first time in weeks, I saw an episode of True Life about drug addicts. While it went against the purpose of the show completely, it gave me an idea. Could drugs help me stop thinking about Edward Cullen?

Well, I was right. Drugs _could_ help me. There wasn't much going on in Forks drug-wise, so I had to go out of town to Port Angeles to really get anywhere. I hung around the mall and saw a few girls around my age smoking cigarettes.

It must have taken me forever to work up the courage to ask. I'm so glad that I did though. They gave me one, and after nearly hacking up a lung, they asked if I had ever smoked before. What did I do? You guessed it. I blushed.

They were chill about it though. They told me not to breathe it in too deeply, before asking why I decided to start. I told them that I simply needed a release, but I didn't go into much detail. It hurt too much to say his name back then. Luckily, they understood.

"Well cigarettes aren't going to do too much for you," the brunette mentioned. "They might ease some stress a little bit, but you'd need way more to really get a release."

The blond nodded in agreement with her friend. "You'd need to get high if you want to start feeling good."

I blushed again, and looked at my feet. "I guess so," I mumbled.

When I looked up, the two girls were grinning mischievously at each other. The blond put out her cigarette and stretched her arm out towards me.

"My name's Taylor," she introduced herself to me.

"Bella." I shook her hand, smiling.

The brunette introduced herself to me as Courtney.

"So we should get going, yeah?" Courtney asked. It took me a moment to realize that both girls were looking at me, waiting for my answer.

Stupidly, I cocked my head to the side in confusion. They laughed at me.

"Have you ever smoked weed before?"

I shook my head no.

The smiles reappeared on Courtney's and Taylor's faces.

"Well then, we'll have you flying high in no time," Courtney laughed...no one else did. "Yeah, bad joke, I know. But really, if you want to, you can come with us. We could fishbowl my car."

I thought for a moment. Of course, I wanted to, but what if we got pulled over? Charlie was a cop. But…not in Port Angeles…right?

I agreed, and the girls linked their arms through mine, leading me towards a dark blue Lexus. Within minutes, we were off, and Taylor was rolling a blunt.

After taking a few hits, Taylor passed the marijuana filled cigar. "Just suck in," she said.

Ten minutes later, and I still felt nothing. Taylor and Courtney, on the other hand…they were gone. When we pulled up to a red light, Taylor dug through her purse and pulled out a small baggie with white powder in it.

That wasn't what I thought it was, was it?

Courtney started giggling. "Come on Taylor! Coke?! Not now. Bella's not even high."

Cocaine. I guess I was right…

"Well then this will help, won't it?" Taylor said.

"No," Courtney said. "It's her first time. Don't make her do something she doesn't want to."

"I want to," I said quietly from the back.

Courtney's eyes widened in the front seat, and Taylor smiled.

"Told you," she said. "I'm getting in the back with Bella. Pull over soon so you can join, okay?"

Without waiting for Courtney to answer, Taylor climbed over the seat, laughing the entire time. She brought the baggie with her.

"Alright Bella," she began to say while rolling up a one dollar bill. "I'm going to form little lines with the coke now. Okay? You put the dollar just in your nostril, it doesn't matter which one, and try to sniff up as much coke as you can. Oh, and your nose may bleed, but it's no big deal. It happens."

She used a razor blade to form 5 lines, using a school book as a flat surface. She did the first one, and the entire line was gone in one sniff.

Taylor pulled over as Courtney handed me the dollar. "Your turn," she said with a smile.

I looked down at the 4 remaining lines and did the same thing that Courtney had done. Still, I barely managed to get half the line. The half that was left I had smeared into more of a blob than a line. Courtney had them so neat and straight…and now this one was crooked and messy. What had I done?

I must have had some funny look on my face, because Taylor laughed as she took in my face. "Not a big deal, Bella. No one gets the entire line the first time, and it never stays perfectly straight."

Before I could respond, I felt the coke coming down the back of my throat, in a liquid form now. I finished my line, and handed Taylor the bill.

Courtney rested her head against the window, enjoying her high. She only moved to snort the next line when Taylor was done. We kept this up for about half an hour, forming more lines, and snorting them. I could completely understand, now, why people did drugs. I had never felt better in my life.

We drove back to the mall and sat in the parking lot until we had sobered up enough for me to go back to Charlie. Apparently their parents knew that they did drugs (though not how many drugs they did) and had stopped caring a while ago.

But Charlie, he's a cop. It would be much harder around him than with most parents.

Finally, I was able to go home. I told Charlie I was tired and that I wanted to go to bed. I think he was too happy that I had finally gone out to really ask questions. I hoped it would always be this easy.

* * *

So...this is short. But I don't really care right now! It will get longer, it will get better, whatever. Review this if you think I should continue...?!


	2. Moving Around A Bit

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

The next morning, I got a call from Taylor, asking what I was doing for the rest of the weekend. I couldn't even remember giving her my number at first.

Charlie was so excited that I was finally going out and hanging out with people, he didn't even seem to care about my vague answers when he asked what we did. I felt bad for deceiving him, but I was finally beginning to be (almost) happy again. And isn't that really what he wanted?

That didn't last forever though. After a month, he got suspicious of us. Whenever I'd come home from parties or just hanging out with the Courtney and Taylor, he'd interrogate me as if I were one of the criminals at the station. It all came to a peak one night after a party at Taylor's.

A party that he just happened to be the one to break up.

He didn't see me there at first, hiding out in the back with a couple of random guys. He did, however, see Taylor and Courtney. And he knew that I was with them that night.

I'd grown used to driving around in the cruiser with Charlie. But I'd never had to ride in the _back_ before. His knuckles were completely white as he gripped the steering wheel, and I could almost hear his teeth grind in anger. I tried to just get out and go to my room when we were home, but he wasn't having any of that.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" He hollered as I made my way to the stairs.

I squeezed my eyes shut before I turned around. I knew this would end badly – I was still drunk. More than drunk really, I was SMASHED.

"To my room," I muttered. "I'm going to my room."

He was closer than I had realized, and I suddenly felt his hand pulling at my arm.

"Excuse me?" His voice was angrier than I'd ever heard it. "No, you're not going to your room yet young lady. Do you have any idea what it felt like to walk into the biggest party we've had to bust all year, and see your only daughter there?"

He dropped his hand from my arm, and moved it to his face. "This isn't you Bella."

"Whatever Charlie," I slurred. I was too far gone to care that I hadn't called him Dad.

"WHATEVER?" He bellowed. "Jesus Christ Bella, what happened to you? Ever since Edward left, you've been a completely different person."

This snapped me out of my drunken stupor. But I didn't speak. No, I slapped him. I slapped my own father.

"Never say his name in front of me again," I said. "It's not his fault. Besides, I like myself like this. Is that such a bad thing?"

Oh god was he mad. He didn't try to reprimand me any further, though. Instead he just pointed up the stairs to my room and said that we'd talk about it the next day.

He came into my room early the next morning. I was too hung over to face him while he told me I'd be grounded for the next month, and he didn't want me seeing Courtney and Taylor anymore. I just mumbled a "fine," and tried to fall back asleep.

I didn't agree to that, of course, once I was fully conscious. I told him to fuck off, mind his own business, and then I took off. When I came home, he was on the phone with Renee.

"I don't know what happened to her," he was saying. "I don't know what to do."

He was just hanging up when I came into the kitchen. He tried to talk to me, and I ignored him.

It went on like this for three or four months before he kicked me out and I moved in with Courtney. Unfortunately, we ended up getting in a huge fight one night, and I moved out of her place the next night.

I had no place to go. Taylor was living with Courtney, too, at that point. There was no way I was going back to Charlie's. So instead, I figured I'd live somewhere where I would never have to pay, and I'd have plenty of room.

I moved into the Cullens' old house.

Even if it did bring back memories I'd rather forget, I had drugs to keep me going. I didn't need to dwell in the past as long as I was high, or drunk, or under some sort of influence.

But the drugs weren't enough to get me to open Edward's door. I closed it the first day I went there, and never opened it again. I stayed in an old (never used) guest room.

Somehow, the electricity and heating and plumbing and everything still worked. I wondered if the Cullen's would even notice I was using it.

Because I didn't have to pay the bills for the house I was staying in, I only worked enough hours to buy drugs. I did buy food occasionally, but I barely ate at this point. In fact, I probably weighed about 90 pounds by now.

I'd show up at random parties, get smashed, and come home. I'd take some ecstasy, and when that started to wear off, I'd smoke a few bowls just to make my high last longer. I broke my crack pipe when I was drunk one time, so I only snorted cocaine after a while. I was a mess, and I couldn't be happier.

As long as I had these drugs, I didn't need anything else. I didn't need Courtney or Taylor, I didn't need Charlie or Renee, and I certainly didn't need those stupid vampires I had once given so much of my life to.

I was happy…well, almost. Sure, I didn't have the greatest lifestyle. But why should it matter? I didn't need it.

One night, I did a couple lines of coke before going to bed. I stayed up the majority of the night, but when I woke up the next day, I realized my nose had started bleeding during the night.

Then I heard movement from downstairs.

* * *

Alright guys. The next chapter is where it will really start to, you know, start. Haha. These first two chapters were really just opening the story up. An introduction, if you will. So, review for the next chapter! Not enough reviews = no new chapter...and the next chapter is where it gets good. ;)


	3. So Uhm, Welcome Home

Author's note: This is where the story will really start. :)

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all!**

Shit. I knew I shouldn't have told anyone that I was staying here. What if one of the guys I'd been with had come back? I should have gone to their houses. Why did I bring them back here after those parties?

"Do you smell that?" A voice came from downstairs. "I think someone upstairs is…bleeding."

No! This was getting worse every second. That was _not_ the voice of one of the many guys I'd slept with here. No, that was the voice of Rosalie Cullen.

"Get Jasper out, NOW," Carlisle's voice rang out.

There was some kind of shuffling downstairs – probably getting Jasper out of the house. They didn't come up here yet, though. No, they just kept talking.

"Does…does that smell like…" I heard a voice trail off. Esme?

"Oh my God." Edward. He was here, in the same building as I was. Could I get out a window in time? "Bella," he whispered.

I saw that I still had a couple lines of coke on the table. I hated to waste it, but I had no time to clean up. I needed to get out, and quickly.

But quicker than vampires? I should have known that would be impossible.

"Stop," Emmett said. I turned away from the window, blood still covering my shirt, to face him.

He smiled, despite my appearance. "Bella! I missed you! How have you been? Despite the nose bleed, I guess."

His booming laughter shook the room for probably less than 10 seconds before he noticed the reason for my nose bleed. He didn't say anything, but he touched it lightly with his finger before looking at me with an eyebrow raised.

Why wasn't I saying anything?

"What are you doing here?" I finally asked.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Rosalie asked. "We own this house, not you. We come back now, all your stuff is here, and you're bleeding all over our carpet. And doing coke! In our house! Shouldn't you be with Charlie?"

Well, at least Rosalie hadn't changed.

"No," I told her. "He kicked me out. I moved in with a few friends, but when they kicked me out, too, I moved here. I'm not working enough to buy my own place, so I figured I'd live somewhere that I wouldn't have to pay for. According to him," I pointed to Edward. "You guys weren't coming back. I didn't think it would be a problem."

"You can't just move into other people's houses," Rosalie retorted.

"Really? Because I did."

If I thought I'd seen Rosalie mad before, it was nothing compared to now.

"Yeah, you did. And now we're back, so you're leaving. Understand?"

I shook my head at her. "I was told, no, I was _promised_ that you weren't coming back. This wasn't even a year ago. And guess what, you came back! Fucking liars. And now I have to give up even more because of you? No."

By the end of my little speech, my gaze had shifted to Edward, who looked more pained than I could ever imagine anyone.

"Oh please, Bella." Rosalie drew my attention back to her. "We aren't taking this house from you. You can't expect to walk into this house and take it when it doesn't belong to you. Go back to Charlie."

"Go back to _Charlie_? Are you kidding me?" I said incredulously. "There is no way in Hell I'm going to go back to live with a fucking cop."

Carlisle stepped in then. "Bella, what about rehab?"

I laughed, lighting a cigarette as I spoke. "Rehab? Why the fuck would I need rehab Dr. Cullen?"

"You're sick Bella," he said while I took a few drags of my cigarette. "You're addicted to drugs; that's clear. You need help."

"I don't need shit," I informed him. "All I need is for you guys to go back to your little games, your distractions, your other human fucking toys so that I can live out the rest of my short, pointless human life. Okay?"

Edward, who had been silent this entire conversation, left then. I didn't ask where he went; I didn't care.

"Well if you don't mind, I'm going out," I told the remaining Cullens. "I'll be back though. Maybe I will move out, but not now. I need to get my shit together first, alright?"

I didn't wait for a response. I just walked out of the room, my Pay-As-You-Go cell phone and wallet in hand. I needed to pick up, and I was late.

I met up with my dealer, Eric, about half an hour later to get some heroin. I didn't have money for much else. After that, I went to a party in Port Angeles with him.

We'd had a thing for a little while a few months back, but I just couldn't be with only one guy other than Edward.

Wait, what? No. I don't know why I said that. I don't need Edward. If I really wanted to be with a guy, I could. But I didn't want to. There was no point to being with just one man.

Eric drove me home from the party, but didn't even want to sleep with me that night. Nope, he'd found two other girls to fuck that night…twins. Are you kidding me? Two typical blondes with big boobs, a nice ass, and the flattest stomach you'd ever seen. Jesus Christ, were they plastic enough for him?

As soon as my door was shut, Eric was gone. I walked up the front steps, beer can still in hand, forgetting about who would be inside.

"All of your belongings are packed in boxes," Rosalie told me smugly. "Emmett and I decided we want 'your' room."

I smiled at her. "That's fine Rosie," I managed to slur. "I'll just take the room you two used to use."

Her haughty expression fell immediately. I managed to make my way upstairs without tripping too much, and get into the room where my boxes would be. I wasn't expecting Edward to be there, holding onto a picture I still had of the two of us. I had found them under my floor boards after he left.

I dropped my now empty beer can.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

He didn't say anything at first. He just looked up at me with big, sad, topaz eyes. "What happened when we left?" He finally asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know," I said. "Why does it matter?"

"We killed you," he groaned. "_I _killed you. I killed you by leaving."

I snorted. "Yeah, I already know that."

I tried to walk further into the room, but, naturally, I tripped. Edward jumped up to catch me before I could hit the ground.

"Still just as clumsy," Edward sighed.

"And hammered," I told him, letting a out a small, drunken giggle. "Alcohol doesn't help the coordination much."

* * *

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! No reviews = no new chapter. (:


	4. Rehab By Shopping?

**Disclaimer: Twilight and all that is owned by Stephenie Meyer.**

"_Still just as clumsy," Edward sighed._

"_And hammered," I told him, letting out a small, drunken giggle. "Alcohol doesn't help the coordination much."_

He didn't laugh, or even smile. He looked downright pissed, actually.

"Bella, you really shouldn't be drinking."

I sighed. Of course he'd say that. Goody fucking two shoes of a vampire. "Why not, because you can't drink? Oh man Edward, you vampires are missing out."

He furrowed his eyebrows at that. "Bella…"

I waiting for him to continue, but he didn't. "What?" I finally asked him.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" His voice was no more than a whisper.

"Ugh," I groaned. "You don't understand how good it feels, Edward. It makes all the stupid shit in life seem so trivial and unimportant. You know? None of it matters anymore…you just feel _good_ for once."

Edward didn't say anything, but disapproval and disagreement were clear on his face.

I slipped out of his hold on my body, and went through my drawer to get a needle. At least Rose hadn't touched everything, right?

Taking out some of the heroin I'd just bought, I put some in a spoon and held a lighter underneath it.

"Bella, what are you…?" Edward tried to ask.

"Shh!" I cut him off. "Hold on two damn seconds."

I got the heroin into the syringe, and called Edward to my side.

"Since you can't drink," I began. "I'll shoot you up!"

I'd already found the vein in his arm – it's easy to do after a while – and tried to push the needle into it. Instead, the needle just broke. Right, vampire skin. It's like granite.

"Oops," I chuckled before fully realizing what had happened. "Wait! You broke my needle! Asshole!"

He took the unbroken part of the syringe from me and snapped it in half.

"Good," he said. "Now you won't be using that one."

I tried to say something, but he cut me off.

"I'm throwing out all of your drugs. No more coke, no weed, no heroin, no pills, no alcohol. No cigarettes either. I'll also be taking any pipes, bongs, bowls, and syringes. You're going to get clean. Carlisle will help me – he _is_ a doctor after all. I'm not going to let you destroy yourself further," he said.

My jaw dropped. "You wouldn't."

Edward only nodded. "I would. And I'm going to."

Before I could say anything else, he was rummaging through my room at a speed no human could ever keep up with. Even if I had been sober, there was no way I'd be able to salvage any of my shit. He threw it all into one big black trash bag.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I groaned.

He turned to me with an intense expression and black, black eyes. "Because I care about you, Isabella. I'm going to help you."

"You _care_ about me?" I cried incredulously. "What kind of sick joke is that? If you cared about me, you'd have been here the past few months Edward. You don't care about me. You're a miserable liar."

His eyes filled with pain. "But Bella," he choked out. "I love you. Truly, I do."

It took a lot to not cry then. I wanted it to be true, but I knew it wasn't.

"Fuck you Edward," I finally spat out. "Fuck you. I don't know where you got the idea that you could just go around and fuck with my life, but you need to stop. First you took yourself away from me. Now you're taking my drugs. Everything that makes me happy, you take it away. Then you tell these brutal lies? Is it that entertaining to hurt people? Get out of this room. Now."

"I'm not lying," he tried to say. "I left to keep you safe. And I'm taking these drugs to keep you safe, too."

I didn't say anything; I simply glared at him until he left the room. The second he was gone, though, I couldn't hold back my tears any longer. I couldn't help the sobs that erupted from me then.

I woke up at 4:30 the next morning. Alice came into my room, picked me up, and dropped me into a freezing cold bath tub.

"WHAT THE FUCK ALICE?" I screamed.

She just stared at me, all joy gone from her face.

"What have you done Bella?" She said. "I realize that it hurt when Edward left. That would hurt anyone. But look at yourself. It's pathetic. Edward wasn't lying last night – he is going to help you. He does love you. And I love you too, so I'm helping him to help you. Starting now. Get cleaned up then come downstairs."

And I thought I'd changed while they were gone? Alice, the little ball of energy, just looked so…blank. I'd never really seen her upset before. Never like this.

Eventually, I did go downstairs. The entire family was waiting for me, but I walked by them into the kitchen.

As I was digging through the cabinets to find some Advil, I felt a presence next to me.

"What are you looking for?" Alice's high soprano voice asked me.

"Advil, Ibuprofen, something to help with this fucking hang over," I muttered.

I heard a rattling noise come from where Alice was standing. She had the Advil in her hand! I reached forward to grab it, but she held it just out of my reach.

"Nope," she sang to me. "You got yourself into this; you'll have to deal with the repercussions. So, let's go shopping."

Shopping. Now. With Alice. Was this a joke? Maybe she hadn't changed as much as I'd thought.

"Hurry up Bella," she said. "We need to get going. Eat some breakfast."

I shook my head. "I don't eat breakfast, Alice."

She rolled her eyes at me, pushing a bowl of cereal towards me. "Well you're going to this morning, okay?"

Sighing, I reached toward the bowl reluctantly.

"Alright, let's go. I'll eat in the car," I told her.

She smiled at me as we headed out to Carlisle's Mercedes. When I thought she wasn't looking, I dumped the cereal in the bushes. But of course, she saw me.

"Seriously Bella?" She asked. "You can't even eat a bowl or cereal?"

I just shrugged and kept walking towards the car. When we got to the mall, she tried to drag me into numerous stores. I told her that I had changed my mind, and I wanted to get something for breakfast first.

Thinking I really was getting food, she followed me to a small shack that sold sodas and snack foods. It also sold cigarettes.

"Can I get a pack of Newport 100's please?" I asked the cashier. After looking at my I.D., he handing me the small green pack of cancer sticks.

I didn't pay attention to Alice as she tried to yell at me. I kept walking towards the doors, ignoring all of the other shoppers that were staring. Alice grabbed my arm and tried to pull me away.

"You're going to do that in public?" I hissed at her. "I thought you guys weren't supposed to expose yourselves. A 4 foot 10 girl dragging along someone almost a foot taller than her may attract attention, Alice."

Reluctantly, she sighed and let go of my arm. Once we were outside, I lit up one of my new cigarettes.

"This is what I do for breakfast," I told Alice as I exhaled. "Cigarettes cut my appetite and get me through the day just as much as food could."

Before my cigarette was even half smoked, Alice ripped it from my hand and put it out in the ash tray. I blew my last puff of smoke in her face, smiling as her face soured.

She grabbed my arm with her little one and dragged me back towards the mall.

"If you haven't changed too much, then this will be good," she said. "You hated shopping. Which, by the way, I will never understand. If you still do, then I'm going to make you keep shopping more and more. The more drugs you do, the more you drink, the more cigarettes you smoke, the more we will shop. Or whatever else it is that you hate."

I frowned at her. Why were they suddenly coming back into my life and changing me so much? "Sure Alice," I muttered. "That sounds just fucking peachy."


	5. Here Comes Withdrawal

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer?! Yeah, she owns Twilight. I don't. Just in case you didn't know that.  
**

_She grabbed my arm with her little one and dragged me back towards the mall. _

"_If you haven't changed too much, then this will be good," she said. "You hated shopping. If you still do, then I'm going to make you keep shopping more and more. The more drugs you do, the more you drink, the more cigarettes you smoke, the more we will shop. Or whatever else it is that you hate."_

_I frowned at her. Why were they suddenly coming back into my life and changing me so much? "Sure Alice," I muttered. "That sounds just fucking peachy."_

Shopping with Alice was Hell, just as I remembered it. It was even worse since I was hung-over. Luckily, though, I hadn't started _really_ craving any drugs.

Once I got home though…well, that was a whole other story. I typically did at least one kind of drug daily. As much as I'd like to say otherwise, I was addicted and I knew I was. But I didn't need the help that the Cullens were trying to give me.

No, I didn't need help. What did I need? Drugs. I needed my drugs, and they weren't giving them back.

When we got home, Alice and Edward exchanged glances. I knew something was up, but they wouldn't tell me what. Then I smelled something burning. Was that… Was that weed?

Edward saw my face dawn in recognition, and he looked nervous. But why would Edward be nervous?

I followed the scent into the backyard, where Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle were putting out a fire. In that fire was all of my drug-related belongings. None of it had affected them because they were all vampires. I guess no drugs can get to them.

Watching them stand there, burning things that were _mine_ made me want to shove them into the fire themselves. What right did they have?

I turned to Edward, who was staring me straight in the eye, and I screamed. I screamed bloody murder.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing Edward?" I bellowed. "That shit's not yours! You have no right to be burning it! That's mine! It's mine and you've ruined it!"

He didn't say anything. His expression remained unmoved as he continued to stare at me.

"I hate you," I whispered.

I turned on my heel, ignoring the pain that broke out across Edward's face. Yeah, make him feel pain. He deserved it.

I sat on the stairs. Tears trailed down my face, and I could hear the conversation going on in the backyard.

"Edward, calm down," Jasper was saying. No doubt he was trying to send a feeling of serenity to Edward right now. "You know she didn't mean it."

Oh yes I did.

"She's going to say a lot of things she doesn't mean right now," Carlisle said to Edward. "When you left, she replaced you with these drugs. She lost you, now she's losing the drugs. She's going to feel empty for a while. It's not your fault."

Yes it was.

"Give her time," Carlisle continued. "She'll see things better once she stops going through withdrawal."

No I wouldn't.

I took out another cigarette and sat on the porch smoking it while my belongings continued to burn in the back yard. I tried to clear my mind, but I couldn't. What was he doing? Why did he try to hard just to make me suffer? Had I done something in a past life to deserve this punishment?

Alice came and sat with me on the porch.

"I'm sorry we're doing this to you Bella," she said. "We truly are only trying to do this to help you. I know you won't believe what I'm saying now, but maybe you'll realize it later. We love you. Yes, we left. It was a huge mistake. But we came back to try to make things right, and this is how we found you. You just aren't our Bella anymore. You're hurting everyone – imagine being Charlie right now. Imagine how much you've hurt him. Maybe we deserve to be hurt…but Charlie? Renee? They don't deserve that."

We sat in silence for a little bit longer. She tried to hold my hand to comfort me, but I wouldn't let her.

"You're right about one thing Alice," I said as I finished my third cigarette. "I'm _not_ your Bella anymore."

With that said, I left. Esme was in my room when I got upstairs.

"Bella!" she said joyfully. "I'm sorry about the way my children are acting. We're not trying to make you feel bad, I swear."

I didn't say anything; I was too busy wondering what she was doing to my room.

"Oh! Sorry dear. It's just that your room was so…bland. And you know me," she chucked to herself. "I tried to make the room a little brighter. The way everyone else is treating you, I bet you're feeling like a prisoner. I don't want you to though! So I figured I could do a couple little things to help out."

For the first time in a while, I smiled. Esme was still just as sweet as I'd remembered her.

"Thanks Esme," I whispered.

Sure, I may not have wanted my room re-done…but at least her method of "helping me" was somewhat nice. She was trying to make me feel _better_, not worse like everyone else was.

"Rose isn't taking your room, by the way," she told me. "She was just being mean. I'm sorry about that, too. I know she's never been very nice to you."

"It's fine," I said. "It's not hard to ignore her now."

She smiled sweetly at me and swiftly left my room, telling me she was going hunting.

"I bought you some food, by the way. I know you don't eat much, but you really should. You've lost a lot of weight," she said on her way out.

…Sure.

An hour later, and my head was THROBBING. Carlisle said it was probably because of withdrawal. Still, no one would let me take a goddamn Advil. They were all convinced I needed to go through the pain to stop. What the hell? Carlisle's a doctor, he should know better!

"Bella?" Emmett's voice came from the doorway.

"Hmm," I motioned for him to come in.

"What does it feel like?" He asked.

I sighed deeply. "What does _what_ feel like?"

"Being high," he said.

Esme and Rosalie were out hunting. Everyone else that was home, though, went silent. They were probably wondering the same thing I was. Why was he asking?

"Uhh, good," I muttered. "Why?"

"What did it feel like before we left?"

I rolled my eyes. "Emmett, I didn't do drugs before then."

"No, I mean, how did _you_ in general feel when we were here before?" He corrected himself. "Being with our family…being with Edward…how did that feel?"

I shrugged. "Fine, I guess," I said.

"It felt good, too," he said matter-of-factly.

I wiped the snot from my nose – a runny nose is a withdrawal symptom of heroin – but didn't respond.

"I think you were much happier with Edward than you are with drugs," he continued. "No matter how hard you try, drugs won't be able to replace Edward, and you know it."

"I'm not trying to replace anyone. I just want to feel okay again," I admitted.

Emmett only smiled at me. "So I'm right, you were happier with Edward."

Finally, I gave up trying to handle Emmett. "Fuck off Emmett," I groaned, burying my face in a pillow. "Don't come back unless you've managed to get me some Advil for this fucking headache, alright?"

I heard him laughing to himself, but he left, shutting the door behind him.

As soon as the door was shut, I started wondering to myself how I was going to get out of here. Where could I go now?

* * *

Sorry these chapters are all so short. :(  
I try to at least update frequently. Review if you want more chapterss. ;)


	6. Getting High With Jasper

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. So she deserves all credit. :)**

"I'm not trying to replace anyone. I just want to feel okay again," I admitted.

Emmett only smiled at me. "So I'm right, you were happier with Edward."

Finally, I gave up trying to handle Emmett. "Fuck off Emmett," I groaned, burying my face in a pillow. "Don't come back unless you've managed to get me some Advil for this fucking headache, alright?"

I heard him laughing to himself, but he left, shutting the door behind him.

As soon as the door was shut, I started wondering to myself how I was going to get out of here. Where could I go now?

There was no way, absolutely NO WAY that I would be going back to Charlie. I was unhappy, sure, maybe even depressed. Yes – I was a drug addict, and I was going through withdrawal. But I was not suicidal. If I went to live with Charlie again, that status could change. An addict living with a cop? No way. I'd gone through that long enough.

Renee? No. First of all, I didn't want at all to live in Florida. Secondly, she would be nearly as bad as Charlie. She'd talk about how much she had missed me…the _old_ me. She'd keep bringing up things I didn't care about anymore. She used to be my best friend. In Phoenix, we'd tell each other everything. But neither of us lived in Phoenix now, and I hadn't seen her in months. I was fine without her, and neither of us would be happy if I went back now.

I didn't really have friends at school anymore. None of them used drugs, and they all rejected me once I started. The few "druggies" at school were all too immature for me to hang out with.

So I could either live here, with the Cullens, or I could live on the street alone.

No, none of those would work. Who was I kidding? I lived with a goddamn psychic. She'd catch me no matter what I did. God, this sucked.

I tried sleeping, but I wasn't tired. Instead, I admired the work that Esme had done on my room. She'd painted it a light blue. My new comforter was blue too, but it was much darker, a royal blue. The headboard to my new bed was white, and not very decorative. She had covered the hardwood floor with a dark blue rug. The closet door that I'd broken weeks ago wasn't even there anymore. She'd re-done the entire closet. In the corner of my room, was a full length mirror, next to a vanity.

How in the world did she manage to get all of this done in a few short hours?

Eventually, I left my room, grabbed a water bottle, and went outside. Naturally, the Cullens all stared at me when I went to the door, but Alice told them I wouldn't do anything bad. I rolled my eyes at her – that whole "seeing the future" thing could get annoying sometimes.

The stars were hidden, as they always seem to be in Forks. I still tried to stare through the clouds though. I missed the clear skies in Arizona. Stars must be really cool to look at when you're high. And I could only imagine what they would look like when you were tripping.

Imagine. Of course – that's all I could do now without drugs. Shit.

I rolled over to lie on my stomach, plucking random pieces of grass out with my thumb and forefinger. As I did this, though, I made a wonderful discovery. Miraculously, the Cullen men had missed some of the pot they were supposed to be burning. I found a few small nugs lying on the lawn.

I _could_ smoke it, but I'd have to be really quick. Since it had been a split-second decision, Alice wouldn't see it…yet. Quickly, I dumped out the water from my water bottle and melted two small holes into the side with the lighter in my pocket. I took out the pack of cigarettes I had in my pocket, and ripped off the foil and got it onto the mouth piece of the water bottle. In record time, I broke up the weed and got it into the small pouch I'd made with the foil.

I managed to smoke an entire bowl before the Cullens came running out. Whether they'd smelled the weed, or Alice had seen it, I'm not really sure. Maybe it had been both. But I was high, and that was all I cared about. And the short amount of time it had taken me to make that ghetto AND smoke? It had to have been a record.

Edward ripped the bottle from my hands and crushed it.

"Whatever man," I said. "It's cashed anyway."

Surprisingly, he sat down next to me. He didn't say anything, but he sat and stared at the sky with me. I looked towards the rest of the family who were looking at Edward strangely.

"Can you see the stars?" Edward finally whispered.

What? I shook my head. "No."

"That's too bad," he continued. "I can see them. They look really nice tonight."

I didn't understand what he was talking about, or why. I knew why he could see the stars when I couldn't – he was a vampire. But why was he saying this?

Apparently, I wasn't the only one wondering.

"What are you doing Edward?" Rosalie said.

"Nothing Rose," he replied in a low voice. "Let's go back inside."

Edward pulled me up, and I didn't resist. Even if I had tried, it wouldn't have made a difference anyway.

He let go of my arm when we got to the door. Naturally, I tripped in the doorway. I started laughing at myself, and I didn't understand why no one else was laughing.

I looked over at Jasper, though, and he had a huge goofy grin on his face. Whenever something funny would happen, he'd giggle like a school girl.

"Jasper's high," I laughed. "Jasper's high because of MEEEE. I got Jasper high!" I sang the words while the rest of the family stared at me, their expressions ranging from nervous, to disapproval, to anger, to apathy. The last one was Rosalie, of course.

Everyone sat down around the dining room table, and I tried to go to my room.

"Family meeting," Carlisle said. I kept going towards my room; I was no Cullen.

"That includes you, Bella," Carlisle continued.

I sighed. "Why? I'm not a part of this family."

He didn't say anything in response, but his expression made me change my mind about leaving as I sat down at the table with them.

Once I was seated, he began speaking again.

"Bella, you need to stop with the drugs," he began. I rolled my eyes. "We're all willing to help you. But Edward, you can't keep pushing her to stop so…suddenly. It's going to take time. The way you want her to recover is unhealthy."

"I know what I'm doing Carlisle," Edward said. "I have a few medical degrees too, you know that."

"I know you do," Carlisle said. "But your love for Bella is keeping you from helping her to recover fully in a healthy way." I snorted incredulously at the word _love_.

"It's only been a couple of days," Edward argued. "We can't know for sure yet."

"How about I just keep doing what I want?" I said.

The skeptical way they stared at me was comical in a way. I stifled my laughter, but Jasper didn't. I smiled at him. He tried to glare at me, but couldn't.

"It's fun, isn't it? Being high?" I asked him.

He shook his head, but I think he agreed with me.

"Bella, sweetie, you can't keep doing this to yourself," Esme said. "There are much better, healthier ways to be happy. Like Carlisle said, we're all here for you. If you want, I'm sure we could get you into a nice rehab program –"

Carlisle nodded, but Edward slammed his fist on the table.

"NO!" He bellowed. "She's not going into rehab. We can help her _here_, where we can keep an eye on her. It's safer. We know her better than any rehabilitation facility ever could. Carlisle is a doctor. I have medical degrees, too. We're more capable of helping her."

Carlisle must have said something to Edward through his thoughts, because Edward looked at him and nodded. I didn't ask though – I didn't care that much.

"How about you stop talking about me like this?" I suggested. "I'm sitting right fucking here guys. You're the ones that wanted me in this conversation."

Alice gasped. We all looked at her, expecting a vision.

"Bella!" She said. "We need to go shopping!"

"What are you talking about?" Was she really thinking about shopping right now? "Alice, we _just_ went. Like, yesterday."

"I know, I know, I know," she said. "But remember our little deal? When you do drugs, we shop! You smoked weed! We're going shopping!"

The absurd smile on her face made me laugh again. This would be so much easier if I were sober.

"Alice," I said between giggles. "Please don't. I don't want to."

"That's the point of it," she reminded me.

I just shrugged. If that's what her idea of "help" was, then whatever. If I was hospitalized for this shit, it'd be way worse than shopping. I'd take what I could get.

"We'll go tomorrow," she said. "It's way too late right now."

Yawning, I agreed and went to bed.

Waking up the next morning, I was so hungry. Thank god Esme had stocked the fridge for me.

I stumbled down the stairs, ignoring the vampires who greeted me, and made my way to the kitchen. I popped a few frozen waffles into the toaster, and poured myself a glass of apple juice. I couldn't get over the striking resemblance the juice bore to beer, and began laughing.

"What's so funny?" Alice asked.

"The apple juice looks like beer," I told her.

She rolled her eyes at me. "Good, maybe you'll be more likely to drink it then."

I half-smiled at her, and downed the glass. "Maybe," I said.

My waffles popped out of the toaster, and I drenched them in maple syrup. As I picked at the food, Alice sat beside me and listed off the things we'd be doing at the mall that day; the stores we'd be going to, the clothes we had to buy, the clothes we had to try on, the shoes she wanted, the shoes she wanted for me, and the bookstore.

"We're going to the bookstore?" I asked. She had never taken me to bookstores before. Just clothing stores.

She nodded, looking for my reaction.

She seemed disappointed when my expression didn't change. Honestly, I was excited. I still loved reading. After a few minutes, she left, telling me that she was picking out my clothes for the day.

I looked up as she walked away, and noticed the keys to Edward's Volvo by the door. Smiling mischievously, I made my way towards them.

* * *

Well? Review! Durr.


	7. Ahh, Therapy

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight saga. **

_She seemed disappointed when my expression didn't change. Honestly, I was excited. I still loved reading. After a few minutes, she left, telling me that she was picking out my clothes for the day. _

_I looked up as she walked away, and noticed the keys to Edward's Volvo by the door. Smiling mischievously, I made my way towards them._

No one was around to see me grab the keys and walk out the door. I'm sure they heard me leaving, but they most likely assumed I was just going outside. That's what I'm guessing anyway, seeing as no one followed me. I tried to keep changing my mind to keep Alice out. It seemed to work.

Once I was in Edward's car, I took off. It felt like I hadn't driven in ages. I had nowhere to go; I was really just driving around for the thrill of it. I drove almost as fast as Edward usually did.

I didn't really end up going anywhere. I just drove straight for a while before pulling over onto the curb. I think I just needed time to think, and I couldn't do that when I was surrounded by the Cullens.

Maybe I did need help. Or, if I got it, maybe they'd leave me alone. Either way, I guess I could give it a shot. But Jesus, this withdrawal was killing me! I don't understand why Edward won't let me just cut back. Why is he making me stop cold-turkey? That's not going to be very effective. Carlisle seems to realize it…why can't his son get it through his thick head?!

Then again, if he really did leave just to keep me safe…he may be much dumber than he appears. You'd think he'd learn something in his 100+ years of life.

Sighing, I started the car again and turned around. I drove much slower on the way back, taking advantage of every second I had left.

Edward was sitting on the steps in the garage when I got back – waiting for his beloved Volvo to return, I'd assume. Surprisingly, he didn't look mad. If anything, he only looked disappointed.

"Stealing cars, Bella?" He asked as I got out of his car.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't make it sound so bad, Edward. You stole a car in Phoenix, remember that?"

A small fraction of joy showed in his eyes. That was probably the first time I'd seen him with even that slight ghost of happiness since he'd come back to Forks.

"That's different. I needed that car so that I could get you to safety," he retorted. "Of course, you're not so keen on being safe, are you?"

I ignored him. I threw the keys to the Volvo at him, and walked into the house, muttering "whatever" under my breath.

He was persistent though, and followed right behind me.

"Why didn't any of you follow me?" I spun around to ask suddenly.

He looked surprised. "Alice saw that you wouldn't do anything. At first, I wanted to follow. I wasn't sure if you had taken my car to get drugs or something. But she said you just needed time to think by yourself."

Huh. I guess I'd have to thank Alice for that.

When I got to the living room, I saw that Alice was waiting for me with a smug look on her face. So, she'd seen my decision. But oh man, did she really need to be so damn smug about it?! Maybe I wouldn't be thanking her anytime soon.

Was this the reason for Edward's joy back in the garage? Had Alice told him that I'd been willing to get help, and he was happy for once?

I hoped he knew I wasn't doing it for him.

_So then who are you doing it for?_ A small voice argued in the back of my head. I ignored it.

"Where's Carlisle?" I asked Alice.

"In his office," she said in her sing-song voice. I think I liked her better when she was throwing me into cold bathtubs first thing in the morning.

She must not have told Carlisle about my decision, because he seemed surprised when I entered his office.

I cut right to the chase once I was in the small, picture filled room.

"I'm willing to stop doing drugs," I said. "But I think you already know that Edward's methods are not going to work if I'm really expected to get better."

He nodded. "I've tried telling him that, but he doesn't want to believe me. I think he just wants to be the one to get you better himself. While it's obvious that _that_ won't work, we're going to have to compromise. It's unlikely he'll let you go off to a rehabilitation center or something. So you could go to therapy. You could try a 12-step program. It all depends…which drug do you feel you're most dependant on?"

"Heroin," I said without even having to think. "Definitely heroin."

It was the cheapest drug there. Not only was it cheap, but it worked. My stress, anxieties, worries…it all went away for a little while. It was easy to get, and easy to use. Perfect.

"Well then, that's the thing we'll have to work the hardest to get you off of," Carlisle said.

Alright, maybe it's not so perfect. But I was the one who'd agreed to do this. I wasn't being forced anymore.

A little reluctantly, I nodded.

"I'm going to get you into counseling. We'll see how that goes for now, okay? If you need more, we'll get you more. I know you probably won't believe this right now, but we truly care about your well-being Bella. We care about you as a person. We want to help you," he said.

Looking down at my feet, I mumbled, "Yeah, I know."

He smiled supportively. "Therapists can be hard to get sometimes, but I'm sure I'll be able to pull a few strings. You don't need to tell us what happens in there. Just do whatever it takes to get better."

Carlisle was going through a list of therapists that he knew, trying to find one for me when I left his office.

Not even an hour later, I was lying in my room when someone knocked in my door.

"Bella?" Edward's voice came from the other side of the door. "Carlisle's found you a psychiatrist. You have an appointment tomorrow. Normally, there would have been a much longer wait, but, well, he IS Carlisle Cullen. Can I come in?"

I nodded, forgetting that he couldn't see me. "Go for it," I finally muttered.

I kept my eyes closed, but I could feel his footsteps growing closer to my bed. His body sank into the mattress, and I looked up to see him sitting on the bed next to me.

"I'm really proud of you Bella," he said, looking me straight it the eye. "While I wish that therapy wasn't necessary, I'm happy that you're willing to do it."

I rolled over onto my side, not wanting to talk. "Sure," I said.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

Without any warning, I started crying. These stupid withdrawal symptoms were going to be the death of me! I hate mood swings.

"Bella!" He exclaimed. "What's wrong?"

In less than a second, he was on the other side of the bed and we were face to face. He wiped a tear from my cheek. "It's alright Bella," he murmured. "It will be okay."

Another mood swing struck. "Get out of my room Edward," I said sternly. "It will NOT be okay, and I do NOT want you here right now."

God, he looked so hurt by that. Why did I have to have a real conscience? Why couldn't I be more like Edward – Why couldn't I just break people down, leave, and not care about the consequences?

Then again, maybe he did care. A little too late, sure…but he WAS trying to make amends. That had to count for something.

He stood up slowly to leave. "Are you sure?" he whispered.

I nodded. "Positive. Get out."

With a pained expression, he left. I turned onto my other side and let the tears fall, degrading myself for everything I'd ever done: falling for Edward, trusting him so wholly, allowing myself to be so broken when he left, agreeing to hang out with Courtney and Taylor, smoking weed, drinking, doing drugs, smoking cigarettes, having sex…

I was a completely different person than I was when the Cullens left. Why would they be so willing to help me? They don't even know me anymore. I'm not the same old Bella Swan they used to know. The happy, blushing girl that they left was gone. And I was here now, in her place.

* * *

Therapy the next morning was…different. My therapist's name was Nicole. Her short, wavy hair was a light brown color, and she had green eyes with brown flecks. She wasn't exceptionally pretty, but she was attractive. Her figure was much like Esme's, without the vampire perfection.

She and another doctor sat down with me at the same time to "figure out exactly what would be best for me". Apparently, there are drugs that heroin addicts can take to get better. They're giving drugs to an addict? It seemed a bit contradictory to me, but Nicole told me that since I rarely abused prescription drugs, it should be okay.

"Besides, you live with Carlisle Cullen," she reminded me. "He'll be there to keep an eye on you. I'm sure he'd alert me if you were abusing these."

I was able to pick up the pills the next morning at a local pharmacy. Naturally, the Cullens wouldn't let me pay for them. Not that I was complaining – I had no money since I'd been fired for not showing up to work.

I saw Nicole twice a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 12:00. When she first told me the time, I said that I'd still be asleep then. I usually went to bed at about 5 in the morning. There was no way I'd be getting up at noontime. But because I'd taken Carlisle with me, he interrupted me and told her that I'd be there right on time.

...On the bright side, Alice never took me shopping. Apparently, "real therapy" was taking its place. I'd have to thank Esme later.


	8. Relapse vs Cutting Back

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all that jazz.**

_I was able to pick up the pills the next morning at a local pharmacy. Naturally, the Cullens wouldn't let me pay for them. Not that I was complaining – I had no money since I'd been fired for not showing up to work. _

_I saw Nicole twice a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 12:00. When she first told me the time, I said that I'd still be asleep then. I usually went to bed at about 5 in the morning. There was no way I'd be getting up at noontime. But because I'd taken Carlisle with me, he interrupted me and told her that I'd be there right on time. _

Counseling went well for the most part. Because I was going through withdrawal, I'd frequently throw tantrums like a toddler in her office. That's the kind of thing she's trained to deal with though.

She's started telling me that she felt "real progress" during our sessions. I disagreed though. I didn't feel any progress; I just felt pissed off.

Her response to that: "Oh, that's just withdrawal sweetie."

For whatever reason, the Cullens and Hales were all excited about my recovery. Alice had been talking non-stop about throwing me a party. What the hell? She said that I deserved one because I was doing so well. I think she's the one that should be in therapy, if anything.

Some parts of counseling were tougher than others. Like when she asked about the Cullens, for example. I couldn't just say that they were vampires. I explained it to her the best that I could, and she seemed okay with that. She never seemed to think I was lying or keeping anything from her.

One day when I was leaving therapy, I saw a certain someone sitting outside, waiting for a ride.

"Courtney?" I asked.

She looked up and gave me a half-smile.

"Sup Bella?" She asked.

I shrugged. Why was she even here? I knew she would never make herself get help, but I also knew she didn't have anyone else that would be sending her here, either.

"Nothing. How come you're here?" I asked. "This might be the last place I'd expect to see you."

"Yeah, my parents ended up coming back for me." She snorted. "One day, they just showed up on my doorstep, telling me that they'd found a therapist for me, and to pack up – I'd be moving in with them the next day. It's bullshit if you ask me. When had they ever given a shit about me before, you know?"

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"So what about you? Why are you here?" She seemed almost interested.

"It's a long story."

She laughed out loud, coughing a little bit...probably all the cigarettes. "I've got time."

Carlisle pulled up then, and I sighed.

"Well I don't," I told her, pointing to the Mercedes behind me.

"_That's_ your ride?" She asked disbelievingly.

I nodded.

"Seems like you're doing pretty damn well for yourself, eh Bella?" She said sarcastically.

I'd nearly forgotten about how rude she'd become when we were living together. But as I turned to leave, she got my attention back.

"Well, maybe I'll see you later?" She said it as a question.

"Maybe," I half heartedly agreed. "Bye."

Normally, Carlisle didn't say much when he came to pick me up. If he did, he only really made small talk. But this time, after seeing me talking to Courtney, he actually had something worthwhile to talk about.

"Who was that?" He asked.

"Courtney," I answered simply.

"How do you know Courtney?"

I sighed, knowing he'd be unhappy with the answer I gave him next. "The first time I ever did drugs, she was there."

His expression was cool and collected, unchanging. He was a lot like Edward in that way; rather than showing his emotions, he preferred to keep the same expression he'd already had. He just let his face freeze, basically.

"You lived with her for a while, right?" he asked.

"For a little while," I answered. "Right before I moved into your place."

He nodded, thinking to himself. At times like this, I wished that I had Edward's power to read minds. As annoyed as he got by it, it must be helpful sometimes.

"Do you think that seeing her again will affect your recovery?"

"I don't know," I told him honestly. "I guess it could, but I doubt it. I'll just talk to Nicole about it."

He smiled, seeming happy that I trusted Nicole enough to consider her reliable.

Of course, Edward wasn't as easy to convince.

"Carlisle, you can't be serious!" he exclaimed. "She can't be in the same office as that girl. Do you want her to relapse?"

"She's in good hands. I trust Nicole, and I think she'll be okay. She won't relapse completely – she'll either be with Nicole, or with us. Either way, she's not going to have any chances to fall back into her old habits." Carlisle remained calm.

Esme sat on the couch with me while the two men argued. Rosalie sat on a chair opposite us, focusing her attention on a fashion magazine. The way she acted, you'd think arguments like this were a normal occurrence.

"No. I don't trust this Courtney girl, and I don't want her being in such close contact with her," Edward continued.

"You're overreacting Edward," Carlisle reassured him. "You need to have a little more trust, not only in Nicole, but in Bella."

"I do trust Bella!" Edward argued. "It's her friend I don't trust."

Finally, I had to interject.

"Shut the fuck up Edward." Oops, I thought my cursing had been getting better. Oh well. "You are displaying _no_ trust in me whatsoever, so don't say that you are. That's a goddamn lie. And are you truly going to stand here, directly in front of me, and talk about me as if I'm not even here? That's downright immature. God, what is _wrong_ with you?"

He was at my side instantly. "Bella, I'm so sorry," he breathed.

I shrugged him off. "Whatever. Just leave me alone. I'm still in withdrawal, and you aren't helping at all."

The remaining Cullens watched as I made my way upstairs. No one bothered to follow, and for that I was grateful. I didn't want to talk to anyone.

Two days later, Edward was the one to drive me to therapy. He didn't say anything on the ride there.

Courtney was there again that day. She was in the waiting room when I walked in, flipping through some old magazine.

"Hey," I said, sitting down beside her. "Do you really want to be here?"

She looked surprised, but shook her head at me.

"No, why?"

"Let's leave." I was in a bad mood because of the drive here with Edward, and I just wanted to get high. I didn't give two shits about my "recovery" at that point.

She smiled brightly at me. "Still the same old Bella. I have an eighth of hydro on me, how's that sound?"

Fast forward an hour and half. Courtney and I were sitting on the curb, waiting for our rides. After smoking a few bowls, she had given me an entire package of Coricidin Cough and Cold. Coricidin is basically just a cold medicine (AKA 'Triple C's') that made you feel like you were tripping. In reality, it was just messing with your liver. But the feeling you got was indescribable.

The first couple times that you do Triple C's, you only really need to take 8 to get that trippy feeling. There were 16 in each package. Since I'd only done them once before, that meant I could get two uses out of this one package.

"You know, Tay and I really did miss you," Courtney said suddenly.

I took a long haul of my cigarette, smirking as I answered her. "Oh yeah. I could tell by the loving way you kicked me out."

"Oh, come on. Put yourself in our position – all we did was fight. Did you really _want_ to live with us, or did you just want a place to stay?"

She was right, but I wasn't going to tell her that. I put my cigarette out on the bottom of my shoe, and just kept looking straight.

"Well my ride's here, I have to go," she said a few minutes later.

"See ya."

I waved to Courtney as she got into the passenger seat of a light blue car, and Carlisle's Mercedes pulled up right behind it.

As soon as I got in, I knew I was screwed.

"I thought Carlisle was picking me up?" I asked Edward.

"He was going to. That is, until Alice saw you smoking pot with the girl in the car in front of us." He was positively livid.

I ignored him, shrugging my shoulders while he fumed silently.

"If she saw it, then why didn't you come after me earlier?" I asked.

He growled. "She told me that it would be better if I didn't interfere. She said you 'need to mess up in order to recover.' Carlisle agreed with her. I'm not the one who can see the future, so I'm just taking her word for it for now."

Great. No doubt they'd be watching me even more closely from now on. But then again, I suppose I may have brought that on myself.

Coming down from my high, I yawned widely and leaned against the window. Maybe I'd take a nap at home.

"Okay Edward," I murmured.

I quickly realized, though, that I wouldn't be able to rest anytime soon. Once we got home, everyone started questioning me. Even Edward, who had been so quiet during the car ride, went along with them. Maybe he'd just been going over what he'd say when we got here.

"Why the hell did you do that Bella?" Alice was in my face as soon as I got in the door. "I thought you wanted to get _better_."

Before I could respond, Edward was agreeing with her.

"Exactly! You aren't going to get better by messing up more."

"That's not true," I said. "It's called cutting back."

"No, Bella, you're just going to end up relapsing," Edward said.

Even Emmett was upset. "Honestly, Bella! What were you thinking? Jesus, I miss the old Bella Swan. The clumsy human girl that Edward fell in love with."

Rosalie sat on a couch the entire time, watching me. I couldn't make out her expression. She just kept staring.

I quickly got sick of listening to them tell me how wrong I was. Hadn't any of them made a mistake before?

"Edward, you've fucked up pretty badly before too, have you not?" I interrupted all of them.

His face went blank. "What?"

"You're giving me all this _shit_ for making one goddamn mistake. Have you not made any mistakes before? Think back about 9 months, right after my birthday. Or was I right; was that not a mistake?"

Everyone stopped and stared at me, but no one said anything.

"That's what I figured," I muttered. "I'm going to bed."

Lying in my bed, trying my hardest not to cry, I finally had an idea of how to make the pain stop. Reaching for the pills I'd been prescribed in the drawer next to me, as well as the 16 cold pills, I made up my mind. I needed so badly for this awful pain to stop.

* * *

DON'T FREAK OUT. I know this probably isn't what anyone was expecting. I promise that she's not gonna die! Lol. It's a Bella&Edward story, right? So we have to get to that. I'm not killing anyone! Also, I didn't edit this as much as I usually do. I normally read it through, like, four times after I finish. This time I only did one and a half. So, sorry if there are mistakes that I missed. Also, I hope that people don't think this is moving too quickly. Tell me if you think so. This chapter's supposed to be a big turning point. Sorry if it seems like I crammed too much into this. . Anyway, review! Just let me know.


	9. Rosalie?

**A/N: Hey guys, thanks for all the reviews! You're the best, you know that? :) Keep 'em coming! Ha, ha. Well anyway. I just decided to BETA, sooooo…if anyone needs a beta, let me know! Anyway, on with the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Yeah.**

Waking up while someone is sticking their cold hands down your throat to make you throw up is a truly awful experience.

"Carlisle, her pulse is getting back to normal," Esme's voice came from beside me.

"Good, good. Edward, I think she's gotten mostly everything up. Get some water in her though."

Edward, who must have been the one with his hand in my mouth, quickly obeyed his father's orders. He had water dripping into my mouth within seconds.

"She can hear us now," Alice was saying. "She'll be awake in less than two minutes."

"Bella," Edward said. "I'm so sorry. Leaving you _was_ a terrible mistake. You probably don't believe me. I wouldn't believe me either. The only reason I didn't say anything before was because I was ashamed. I should have never left you."

"One minute!" Alice's voice rang through the room.

No one said anything for a few seconds.

"I love you," Edward whispered in my ear.

If I had been more awake, I'd have laughed at him. I was honestly growing so sick and tired of his stupid lies.

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was Edward's face right above mine. With a groan, I rolled over onto my side. I ignored him, speaking to Alice instead.

"Why'd you do this now?" I said lowly. "You're a psychic. I figured since you hadn't tried stopping me before, it meant you'd just let me die."

"I could never let you die, Bella!" She was shocked that I'd think that. "When I had the vision, I thought that you were overdosing because of something to do with your high. I thought, maybe, if Edward and I spoke to you before you went to your room, you wouldn't do it."

"Would it have been so hard to take the pills away?" I asked. "That would have been way better than waking up to Edward's hands down my throat."

She grimaced. "I know Bella. I should have. I'm so sorry."

"Whatever," I shrugged. I really just wished that I had been successful. No doubt they'd be watching me much more carefully from now on. "Could you, ya know, leave now? I'm tired. I want to sleep."

Everyone looked skeptical that I'd really be sleeping, and I looked to Alice for help.

"She's not going to do anything." Alice's voice was sincere.

"Just like she wasn't going to do anything earlier today?" Edward hissed.

I groaned. "Please?"

Finally, they left. I could hear Edward and Carlisle speaking as they left my room, though.

"If this ever happens again, she's coming to the hospital," Carlisle was saying. "I know you want her to stay here, Edward. But at times like this, she needs her stomach pumped."

"I know that," Edward agreed. "I just get so scared. What if she hadn't made it all the way to the hospital?"

Nothing else was said, so I tried to sleep. Less than five minutes later, though, there was a knock on my door.

"What is it?" I croaked. My throat was so sore.

"Bella, it's Rosalie. Can I come in?"

Rosalie? Why would she want to talk to me? I agreed, and let her come in.

She walked slowly, gracefully towards my bed. As she sat on the edge of it, she played with corner of my bedspread. Her long, perfectly-manicured, red nails picked at a small tear on my comforter, pushing in the little bit of stuffing that had come out of the tiny hole. It seemed like she wasn't even going to say anything; she was merely going to sit on my bed all night.

Well, Rosalie may not be human, but I am. And humans need sleep.

"What do you want Rosalie?" I asked.

For reasons I wasn't so sure of, she grimaced. "I don't know…" she muttered.

Oh god. For months on end, she'd ignored me. She'd acted like I didn't exist. When she did recognize my existence, she was a straight up bitch. And now what the hell was she doing?!

"I want to help. I know you think I'm lying, but I'm not," she began. "Seeing you like this has made me think more about the old Bella. God, I was awful to you. I never should have been; that's why I'm trying to make it okay now. I realize that it will be hard, but, I don't know. I feel like I could help, if you're willing to let me."

I blinked.

"This is all probably coming off as very spontaneous, isn't it?" she asked.

I didn't say anything. I just nodded.

She let out a small laugh. "Well, just think about what I've said. I truly wish to help you Bella. I think the drugs have blinded you from your own suffering. But we both know how badly it's going to hurt once you come off of them completely. Please, come to me when you need help. I know that not everyone here has been very supportive. But I'm willing to be the one who is here for you, even if it's just to talk."

After giving me a small smile, she got up to leave, but I stopped her.

"Rosalie?" I whispered, knowing she could hear me full well. "Wait."

She was clearly surprised, but she turned back towards me with one of her perfect eyebrows raised.

"I don't know what to do," I said, still whispering.

She sat down again, this time on a chair beside my bed. "About what?"

"You're right – it does hurt. It hurts a lot. I _want_ to get clean, but I can't figure out how. I guess Nicole's helping, but it's so goddamn hard. And Edward's just making it worse and worse all the time. I know he wants to help, but he's doing a terrible job." I didn't care if he heard me say that – it was true. "He's so confusing. At one second, I think he still loves me, and he wants me to get better. The next second, it's like he only wants me to get better because he feels guilty. First he left me. Then, he came back, and tried to get me clean. I already hated him for what he did before, and that just made me hate him even more. But he wants me to be healthy; I can understand that.

"So now I'm trying to fix my life. I'm trying so hard, Rosalie. I avoid drugs at all costs. I go to see Nicole, and she helps me. Of course, meeting with Courtney again didn't make anything much better. And Edward is making it nearly impossible. If I make so much as one mistake, I feel like he's going to tear me apart. His disappointment in me is the worst. He's so unsupportive, yet he's the one who decided to get me to do this in the first place! I keep wishing I hadn't ever moved to Forks. I wish I had stayed in Phoenix with my mom and Phil. I wish I hadn't ever fallen in love with Edward. He's making my life Hell, Rosalie. And I don't know what the fuck to do anymore. Everything I try is wrong."

Rosalie moved from the chair back onto my bed. Speaking lowly, she said, "You're not doing anything wrong. Honestly, Edward's a jerk sometimes. You just never saw it before. But I can tell you one thing, he truly does love you. He's not lying when he says he left to protect you. Sure, the logic's flawed...but we're all flawed, right? I mean, you're a drug addict, and the rest of us should all be dead right now. Not exactly a model family."

I tried to smile, but a tear rolled down my cheek, giving me away.

Brushing the tear away, Rose smiled sadly. "It's okay Bella. Just cry. We've messed you up pretty badly. It might be a little too late, but we all want to make up for our mistakes. We have eternity to do so."

So I cried. I cried, and I cried, and I cried. Rosalie stayed with me all night, rubbing small circles on my back and brushing my hair from my tear-stained face. I cried some more, and Rosalie never let me go. She told me about her human life, in an attempt to clear my mind, she said. She told me how she wanted oh so badly to be a mother. She told me of the seemingly perfect life she led, and of the fiancé who ended up ruining her life. And I cried some more, for the both of us. I cried the tears she could never cry.

It was easy to see, then, the motherly side that Rosalie Hale possessed. Here I was a destroyed human being, crying in the arms of an insanely beautiful vampire. She never let me go, keeping me calm while the terrible emotions rolled out of me. I cried, and cried, and cried until I fell asleep.

* * *

Waking up in a set of stone cold arms brought back so many painful memories. I woke with a start, letting the memories of the previous night catch up to me.

Rosalie didn't speak yet, but she watched me warily, making sure I wasn't going to break down again.

I smiled at her, a small, timid smile, to show her that I was alright.

"Are you hungry?" She asked me. "I'll make you pancakes, or waffles, or something if you'd like."

I nodded sheepishly. "I'd like that, thank you."

She helped me down the stairs, and I saw Edward watching from the couch. He started to get up, but Rosalie must have thought something that stopped him, because he sat back down. Still, he never took his eyes off of us.

Quietly, I sat down in the kitchen, avoiding eye contact with Edward.

"Bella, how are you feeling?" Alice asked cheerily, as if nothing had happened.

"Fine," I said quietly.

Why was I feeling so shy all of a sudden? That overdose seemed to have changed me so much, in such little time. Or maybe it was the talk with Rosalie. I couldn't be sure.

Before I could think on it any further, a plate of waffles was placed in front of me.

"Do you want syrup or anything?" Rosalie asked me.

I looked down at the waffles. How had someone who doesn't even eat made food that looks so good?

"Yes please," I said.

Once she'd passed me the syrup, I began to pick slowly at the waffles. They were delicious, but it hurt my throat to swallow.

Emmett barged in the door, and he had Rosalie in his arms instantly. Nuzzling her neck, he told her how much he missed her. "An entire night without you Rosie! It was awful. I had no one to play with at all last night…" he trailed off suggestively.

I started to laugh, but my food caught in my mouth, and it turned into a coughing fit instead.

"What, you think that's funny Bella?" Emmett teased. "You try going a night without the person you love."

I arched an eyebrow, and the room went dead silent.

It took a second, but Emmett eventually figured out what he had done.

"Oops," he breathed.

Rosalie slipped out of Emmett's grip, moving to my side quickly. "Are you alright Bella?" She asked quietly.

Half smiling, I nodded. "I'm fine Rose. Don't worry about it."

Rose? Crap…was it okay for me to call her that? I hoped so. I mean, that was really only a name that her family called her. And up until last night, I was fairly certain she hated me.

She smiled though, as if she were happy that I'd called her Rose, rather than Rosalie. She gave me a small hug and kissed me swiftly on the cheek.

"You don't realize it, but you're so strong. Just call my name if you need me. I'll hear you," she said before making her way upstairs with her husband.

I finished the rest of my waffles slowly. What was going to happen the rest of the day? Would Edward try talking to me? I knew that he'd heard my conversation with Rosalie. While most of the family had gone hunting, he'd been in his room the entire time…listening.

I didn't want to sit here and think about him, but I didn't know what else I was supposed to think about. It was either him or drugs. Either way, I'd be unhappy. I used to talk about how Edward was a masochist, but look at what I'd turned into!

Feeling a presence behind me, I turned around to see Carlisle standing by the counter.

"Would you mind coming to the hospital with me?" he asked. "I just want to run a few tests, make sure you're doing alright."

I let him take me with him, and I spent the rest of the day in his office. He poked at the bruises in the creases of my arms, trying to figure out how old they were. Apparently, I wasn't trustworthy enough to simply _ask_ how old they were. He sat with a notebook, asking me question after question about my recovery. This was going to be a long day.


	10. It Will Get Better, I Think

**A/N: To .xx, thank you so much. You're much too kind. :) You made me feel SO much better. Thank you so, so, so much! **

**To everyone: I'M SO SORRY! I'm not going to give excuses for why it's been so long. I'm just gonna move on with the story. To make it up to you, I'm gonna try to make this one long…and maybe some Bella&Edward fluff…?!?**

**Disclaimer: Twilight's owned by Stephenie Meyer and Little, Brown Publishing Company. :)**

_Recap: Bella OD'd on her medication. Rosalie spent the night with her, and even made her breakfast in the morning._

"_Feeling a presence behind me, I turned around to see Carlisle standing by the counter. _

"_Would you mind coming to the hospital with me?" he asked. "I just want to run a few tests, make sure you're doing alright."_

_I let him take me with him, and I spent the rest of the day in his office. He poked at the bruises in the creases of my arms, trying to figure out how old they were. Apparently, I wasn't trustworthy enough to simply ask how old they were. He sat with a notebook, asking me question after question about my recovery. This was going to be a long day."_

It was still light out when we got home. Carlisle went to his office, telling me he was going to look over the notes he'd taken throughout the day. I went to my room, intending to listen to music and read.

Unfortunately, Edward was waiting for me. He was lying back in my bed with his feet up, but he looked far from comfortable. He had his hands covering his face and his knees were drawn slightly towards his body. I turned on my heel to leave, but he called me back.

"Stay, please." He got out of my bed. "Here, you can lie down."

At first, I shook my head. But my exhaustion reacted differently, leading me into my bed, under the covers. Edward began to lie next to me, but I glared at him, making him think twice. He got up, painfully slowly might I add, until he was sitting up beside me again.

I rolled over onto my other side, the side facing away from him, and let my mind wander. I was so tired, and I couldn't control my thoughts. They went places I didn't want them to, and I couldn't stop them.

_What if Edward hadn't left?_ I kept thinking to myself. _Imagine what it could have been like. Wouldn't you be happy?_ I tried to tell myself that I wouldn't be happy; that I was happy now. But it was a fight I had no chance of winning. _Remember how you were before? You were a completely different person. And you were so much happier than you are now. So, so, so much._

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked from beside me.

_Just like he always used to ask_, that little voice said.

What the hell? Why was I talking to myself? Ugh, this isn't right. I'm overtired. And Edward's keeping me awake.

"Nothing," I murmured. "Go away."

I squeezed my eyes shut, attempting to block him out, but he was persistent.

"Bella, please tell me. You don't know how…hard this is," he continued.

"I'm thinking about what it would have been like if you hadn't left," I said. "I wouldn't be addicted to drugs. I wouldn't need this stupid therapy. I would be living with Charlie, and both of us would be happy."

He took a deep breath.

"Still, I think that the drugs opened my eyes. I can see more clearly now. I can see that I don't need you. I don't need anyone or anything. I have myself, and that's it. You came here, you came into my life, and then you left. At first, I was devastated. I couldn't see a life without you. Then I found weed, coke, heroin…I moved on. Everything's obvious now. You're not a necessity! You were nice to have around, but that's it. I don't need you. I'm finally going to be independent," I concluded.

"You're not independent," he countered. "You depend on the drugs."

I didn't agree with that. The drugs, like him, were merely nice to have. I'd done the same thing with him as I'd done with the drugs. I needed sleep though, that was for damn sure. Why else would I be telling him all of this? I couldn't stop. My mouth just kept spilling the words I wanted to keep to myself.

"I don't think so. Just like I did when you were around, I let myself believe the drugs were necessary. But they aren't."

Finally, I thought he had given up. He was silent…but only for a little while.

"The drugs may have helped you to…get over me, but what will help you move past the drugs?" He eventually asked.

Very suddenly, I turned around so that I was facing him. "Like I said," I breathed. "I'm independent."

Edward surprised me by cupping my face into his hand. At first, I leaned into it before realizing what I was doing and pulling away. What was he trying to do?

"I need sleep Edward," I said. "We can't all go for days without sleeping."

He nodded and leaned his face into my hair. "Sleep well, my Bella," he breathed into my ear.

"I'm not _your_ Bella," I snapped.

If I'd had the energy, I'd have gotten up and left. I was sick of him trying to act like nothing had happened. He'd left me! And now he was calling me _his_ Bella. I rolled over, yet again, this time onto my back. I closed my eyes tightly, hoping he'd leave. I could feel the bed move as he got up, but the door never opened. I peeked one eye open to see him sitting in a chair.

Couldn't he just leave?

I just laid back, letting slumber finally come to me.

* * *

Thankfully, Edward wasn't there when I woke up. I couldn't help but think that a year ago; I'd be upset if he wasn't with me in the morning. Like I'd said the previous night, I'd grown more independent...whether he believed me or not.

"Good morning sunshine!" Alice danced into my room, beaming, with a tray. "Time for breakfast."

I raised an eyebrow. Why was she being so nice to me?

"Oh don't look at me like that Bella, just eat," she complained while I poked at the food.

"What's in it?" I couldn't help but ask.

She laughed, thinking I was joking. I ate slowly, mulling over the previous night in my head. Had Edward really called me _his_? No, he wouldn't. He couldn't! And even if I had, I shouldn't care. Finally, I pushed the tray away.

Alice plopped down next to me, still smiling hugely. "Are you excited?" she asked.

I was immediately wary. "Excited about what?"

"Everyone went hunting…everyone except for me and Edward! It'll be just like old times," she said.

Alright, really… She's a psychic. She could see what was going to happen today. And if I was going to be spending the day with Edward and Alice, I was _not_ going to be a happy camper. So why was she so goddamn excited?

She pushed me down the hall until we got to her room. "Sit," she commanded.

I rolled my eyes but obeyed her, sitting on her bed while she tried to figure out which outfit to make me wear. She ended up throwing a long-sleeved blue top and a short skirt at me to change into. She tried to get me into heels, but I kicked off every pair she put to my feet. Sighing, she gave in and let me wear flats.

She started the shower and left me with everything I needed to get ready. I took my time taking my pajamas off, and I could hear the conversation from downstairs.

"Alice, I don't know what to do. I can't live like this," Edward was saying. "I need her back. I can't keep watching her like this; ruining her life. It's killing me. I want so badly to take her back into my arms and make everything okay."

"You know that won't work," Alice said.

"Why though? I'm trying so hard to act like nothing's wrong. I'm giving her time and I'm being patient, but nothing's coming in return."

It was silent for a moment, and I realized Alice was thinking of what to say, rather than saying it out loud.

"No…no. None of you understand why I think of myself as a monster. But clearly I'm right! I'm not more than a disgusting, deplorable creature," he said. "As if that weren't enough reason for her to hate me…I left her, Alice. I'm never going to be able to get her back. If there is a higher power, there's no way that he'd let me get her back. He did me a favor by letting me have her in the first place, and I blew that chance when I left her. There's no way that I could ever be given a shot at redemption now."

I didn't want to hear anymore. I got into the shower and mulled over everything he'd said while I lathered my hair with the same strawberry shampoo I'd always used. Rosalie had been kind enough to get me the same kind when she and Esme went shopping for me.

As much as I'd have liked to, I knew I couldn't stay in the shower forever. I stayed in there for a good half hour, but once the hot water started to run out, I knew it was time to really start the day.

I shut the water off and got dressed quickly. Putting on a happy face, I pretended to let Edward and Alice think I was happy. Maybe if they believed me, they'd leave me alone.

Naturally, I fell at the bottom of the staircase. Edward went to catch me, but I moved out of his grasp. Remembering that I was going to be "happy", I smiled and told him I was alright. He looked surprised, but gave me a half-hearted smile in response.

"Alright Bella, I have to go shopping. You and Edward can watch movies though!" Alice clapped her hands together like a little kid. "I picked out a bunch. _Titanic_ is my favorite, but you can chose by yourself of course. Bye!"

And with that, she was gone. Whether it was because she wanted to give me and Edward "alone time," or because she wanted to get shopping, I can't really be sure.

I sighed. "Well," I said, turning to Edward. "We might as well do _Titanic_. You know that'll make Alice happy." I smiled at him again, hoping he'd believe it.

He seemed to buy it. Once the movie was set up and Edward was sitting on one end of the couch, I sat on the other end. I didn't even bother to see what expression he had on his face.

Mere minutes after the movie had begun, I started to shake a little. Rose kept talking on the screen, but I couldn't pay attention. I wanted to get high; I didn't want to sit here with Edward watching a romantic movie.

Concerned, Edward grabbed my hand.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

I nodded, trying again to flash him a fake smile. He didn't believe this one, clearly, but he didn't ask me anything else. He tried to keep holding my hand until I ripped it away from him. I was so goddamn irritated already, and he wasn't making it any better.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward tried to ask me again.

"Leave me alone. I'm going through withdrawal, that's what's wrong." Every word seemed louder than the last. The happiness I'd been trying to pass off was gone. "I want to smoke something. I want to snort something. I want to shoot something up. But I can't! Fuck it Edward, why did you do this to me? I'm going crazy here."

Pain flashed across his face. "It will be okay. It just takes time."

Snorting, I rolled my eyes. "Right, time. Fuck you."

He kept trying to talk, but I wouldn't listen. Nothing he said mattered anyway.

Of course, I couldn't keep that attitude up for long. Once I saw Jack slipping away from Rose into the water, the tears spilled over. It was bad enough when Edward left. That was my own personal Hell. But what if he died? What would I do? There are only so many drugs in the world.

Edward pulled me closer to him, but this time I didn't protest. I cried into his shirt, my body shaking his with my violent sobs.

"I'm so sorry Bella," he was whispering to me.

It still wasn't okay, so I didn't tell him that it was. To be honest, I wasn't sure if it ever would be okay. I didn't tell him that, either. I just let him hold onto me while I cried. I needed _something_ to make me feel better. Without Edward, I had turned to drugs. Now, I was without the drugs…and I was turning to Edward.

Eventually, other members of the family came home. No one said anything to us though. I looked up to see Rose smile at me when she came in, and I tried my best to smile back at her. I wasn't sure what everyone thought when they saw us like that on the couch, and I almost felt bad for giving them some sort of false hope that things were alright with Edward and myself. But at the same time, I had a small amount of hope in myself, too. A small, tiny little fraction of hope that was hidden inside of me...saying that everything would work out.

* * *

I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up later in Edward's arms in his room.

"What time is it?" I muttered, only half-awake.

He kissed my forehead. "Four in the afternoon."

Pulling my face away from his lip, I said, "When did I fall asleep? And why am I in your room?"

Hurt, he shrugged. "You fell asleep while we were watching Titanic. I just brought you here out of habit, I suppose. I'm just used to coming into my room. You can go to your room if you'd like, I'll leave you alone. I guess I shouldn't have brought you here..."

My mood suddenly flipped. "NO!" I practically yelled, clutching at his shirt. "Don't leave. I'm sorry, I was just confused...I mean, I just woke up." He half-smiled at me. "I know my withdrawal symptoms must be freaking you out. And I'm sorry. This is just really hard for me to get used to."

He nodded. "I know," he agreed. "It's hard for me to understand though. I'm trying."

I leaned back into him, and his arms wrapped back around me. I could do this, right? It didn't necessarily mean I was crawling back to him just yet. I was just...comfortable. Besides, even if I were to go back to him, we had a lot to talk about first. And at that moment, I was much too content to get into a serious conversation that would only upset both of us. We could at least try to be happy, if only for a little while.


	11. A Life Changing Decision

**Disclaimer: I own the Twilight series. NAHT, Stephenie Meyer does.**

_My mood suddenly flipped. "NO!" I practically yelled, clutching at his shirt. "Don't leave. I'm sorry, I was just confused...I mean, I just woke up." He half-smiled at me. "I know my withdrawal symptoms must be freaking you out. And I'm sorry. This is just really hard for me to get used to."_

_He nodded. "I know," he agreed. "It's hard for me to understand though. I'm trying."_

_I leaned back into him, and his arms wrapped back around me. I could do this, right? It didn't necessarily mean I was crawling back to him just yet. I was just...comfortable. Besides, even if I were to go back to him, we had a lot to talk about first. And at that moment, I was much too content to get into a serious conversation that would only upset both of us. We could at least try to be happy, if only for a little while._

We sat in his bed silently for nearly an hour. Occasionally Edward would stroke my hair or play with my hands, and I sometimes changed my position to be a little more comfortable. For the most part though, I barely moved.

Until I felt that familiar pressure in my stomach and had to leave.

"Edward, I need a human moment," I said quietly.

He let go of me so that I could get out of his bed. When I looked back at him on my way towards the door, I couldn't help but notice how hopeful his expression was. This small amount of time together had given him so much hope…and I couldn't promise him that that hope would be fulfilled.

Once out of his room, away from the effect he had on me when he was near, I could think much more clearly.

What was I doing?! He was going to hurt me even more than he already had. No, _I_ was going to hurt myself even more than _I_ had. I couldn't blame him for this one – I'd brought it all on myself this time around.

Damn it! This was much too hard for me to handle! One part of me was telling me to take Edward back with open arms. Another part was telling me to leave him, leave his family, and forget about everything. And on top of everything, I just wanted to make all of this _stop_ – the only way I knew how. But my entire stash had been cleaned out by the vampires I lived with.

I'd been in the bathroom for nearly ten minutes now. I stood over the sink, observing my reflection in the mirror. I looked so different than I had a year or so ago…yet still the same. My hair was still the same color and it was only a little bit longer. But it had grown dull and lost any volume it previously had. The chocolate brown color of my eyes that Edward loved so much was toned down by the red lines around it and I always had bags underneath them. The paleness of my skin no longer looked healthy. My cheek bones stuck out in an unattractive way, and I was too skinny. My lips were chapped and pale, and my nose was always running because of the withdrawal I was going through.

As I was realizing all of these imperfections, Edward knocked on the door.

"Bella, are you alright? You've been in the bathroom for a while now." His voice was full of concern.

I opened the door and tried to smile. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Neither my fake smile nor my attempted reassurance could convince him though. He tilter his head and frowned at me, trying to figure out why my mood had changed, yet again, so rapidly. I sighed, brushing past him out of the room.

I went downstairs and took out the bread and some peanut butter to make a sandwich. When I turned around towards the fridge, Edward was standing there with the jelly out already.

"Thanks," I muttered.

He raised an eyebrow. "You're welcome."

I sat at the table and spread the peanut butter and jelly onto the bread before sticking the two halves together. He never took his eyes off of my face, even as I ate.

"What's wrong?" he asked lowly.

I shrugged, but he wasn't fooled. He leaned in closer to me, still waiting for my answer.

"Please?" His cool breath blew across my face as he asked again, and I closed my eyes while I shiver ran down my spine. Why did he still do this to me?

"I, uh…" I was cut off when by a frantic Alice.

"Edward!" she screamed. "You need to get out NOW, and take Bella with you. I had a vision, and—"

"What happened?" Edward asked, suddenly very serious.

She dodged the question, and I knew that she was blocking him out as much as she could in her mind, too.

"You and Bella need to get out of here if you want this vision to change. She's not changing her course. I couldn't see her before, but I can now! She finally made up her mind, and she's coming _here_ Edward. You need to leave!"

Edward was standing behind me instantly, wrapping his arms around me. I tried to shrug him off, but I don't think he even noticed.

The two vampires still didn't speak. They merely stared at each other. Occasionally Alice would nod or shake her head, and Edward would tighten his grip on me. They were clearly having one of their silent conversations…the ones that were extremely frustrating to the rest of us.

"Would you two tell me what the hell is going on?" This silence was driving me insane. "And let go of me!"

Edward loosed his grip, but refused to let me go, no matter how much I struggled. Still, no one told me anything. I frowned.

"Jesus Christ," I muttered, finally getting out of Edward's hold.

Alice looked completely exasperated while Edward and I stood there. It was obvious just by looking at her that she wanted us to leave, but only Edward knew the reason.

"Maybe if one of you told me _why_ exactly it is that we're supposed to leave, then I would!" I finally yelled at them.

Edward broke out of his trance like state that he was in while watching Alice and grabbed back onto me. "Where should we go?" he asked.

"Anywhere, just get OUT!" Alice exclaimed.

Before I could even look back up at Edward's face, he had me on his back and was running me into the woods. Suddenly, in the middle of nowhere, he stopped, defeated.

He kept me on his back, but held onto me tighter, whispering to me that he would keep me safe. I wanted to ask 'Safe from what?' but I couldn't find my voice. I was terrified, and I didn't even know why.

Alice and Emmett came to us quickly then, with the others close behind. At the same time, one small red-eyed vampire came forward. She had a pale, pale blond hair color that matched her white skin. Her figure was very slight, and she was short.

She looked over the Cullens hungrily, before her eyes landed on me – the scrawny human girl perched on Edward's back.

"Isabella," she whispered.

I expected her voice to sound like bells, like any other vampire. However, hers was scratchy in a way…but still more beautiful than any human could ever sound.

I stared at her, fear clouding my eyes. How did she know my name?

When another figure stepped out beside her, though, I knew.

"Fantastic job Delilah," Victoria crooned to the girl in her childlike voice.

I dug my nails into Edward's chest. Why was she here? How had she figured out where I was? And who was this girl, Delilah, that was here with her?

Edward swung my body around so that the fronts of our two bodies were touching. He held me as closely as possible without hurting me, and let out a deep growl.

"So Bella," Victoria began, smiling at me. "I've been watching you lately, and I must say…you're doing just wonderfully getting over your little addiction."

"No," Alice whispered.

Though Edward tried not to let me look at her, Victoria didn't break eye contact with me.

"So I brought you a little something – something I'm sure you've missed greatly recently." She pulled out a small bag, filled to the brim with white powder. "I've noticed that heroin is your drug of choice. However, one of my newborn friends was a cocaine dealer in his past life, so the coke was much easier to get."

She brought me…cocaine? Why? Edward pulled my face into his chest so that I couldn't look at the bag that was now lying on the ground beside me.

And what did she mean by one of her "newborn friends"? A newborn _what_? Maybe she meant a newborn vampire...but I still didn't understand why she would have a bunch of new vampires hanging around her.

More vampires, maybe 7 or 8 of them, with red eyes came to Victoria's side from the woods. Some looked hungry, with darkened irises, and they seemed about ready to pounce…at me – the lone human. Others' eyes were brightly colored. It was clear they had just recently fed. Even these ones, though, couldn't take their eyes off me.

The Cullens all crowded around me as more vampires surrounded us. Still, I had no idea what was going on, and I was getting really frustrated. A hell-bent vampire whose mate had been killed by my ex-vampire-boyfriend was throwing cocaine at me, a recovering drug addict.

"Riley?" Victoria called out to her minions.

A blond male stepped forward. Like the others, he had vivid red eyes. He looked like he could have been about my age when he was changed.

Victoria put her hand in Riley's, and whispered something in his ear. His facial expression remained the same, but he turned towards the other vampires and asked where Maria was.

Jasper drew in a breath as Maria, a tiny brown-haired vampire, came right to him.

"I found Maria when I was first creating my little…army," Victoria said. "She told me about you, Jasper, and about your past. She helped me to keep my newborns in line."

Maria smiled at Jasper and kissed him lightly on each cheek. Alice looked outraged.

"Hello Jasper," Maria said in a high pitched voice. "How have you been?"

Alice answered for him. "He's been fine."

Maria's smile waned momentarily. She ignored Alice and continued talking to Jasper.

"I've missed you. You know, you could have been great Jasper." Her eyes shone brightly. "You were the best I'd ever seen. Look at this army, Jazz. Imagine being a part of it. The number used to be much higher but, as you know, they fight amongst themselves."

He pushed her forward. "No," he said solemnly.

Nothing else was said, but that one word seemed enough to set everyone else off. Maria tried to lunge at Jasper, but Alice pounced on her before any harm could come to him.

Before my human senses could comprehend what was happening, a fight had broken out. Edward ran away from the fight, still holding onto me.

Victoria followed behind us by herself. Edward sat me down on a rock, out of Victoria's way. Again, she dropped the small, cocaine-filled bag on the ground, smiling at me as she did so. Riley followed behind Victoria, standing in the shadows as Edward and Victoria circled one another.

Edward and Victoria were talking to each other in voices too low for me to hear. I could faintly hear the fight going on from another part of the woods, and I saw a fire burning in the background, alerting me that some vampires had been destroyed already.

My body twitched as I stared at the coke. It was just lying there on the ground. I swear, it was begging for me to reach out and grab it; to inhale it; to become one with it. I tried to move closer to it, but an invisible force pushed me back – my conscience, maybe?

The noises in the background were growing louder, and I knew that the fight was getting closer to us. The three vampires near me noticed this too, as they turned their heads in that direction.

While their backs were turned, I reached out for the bag of cocaine. Edward turned to me, to take it away from me, but Victoria leaped onto his back. Riley merely stood, smiling.

I cracked open the bag, scooping up a bit of coke onto my forefinger and middle finger. I inhaled a little bit, just to grow familiar again with the substance I used to know so well.

While I did this, Riley moved closer to me. Unfortunately, I was too enticed with the cocaine to even realize it.

Just as I was about to snort some of it, I heard a loud ripping noise. I looked up and saw that Edward had jumped away from Victoria, and onto an unsuspecting Riley. Riley's head rolled into the ground, and Victoria cried out in anguish.

Before Edward could even dismount himself from Riley's decapitated body, Victoria threw herself on him. She lowered her lips to his throat, and smiled at me.

I couldn't tear myself away from the coke. It was taking over my body, my mind, and my senses.

"Look at her, Edward," Victoria murmured just loud enough for me to hear. "She's too wrapped up in her little addiction to care about you. You know, you used to be her addiction. And now look at her."

Edward tried to get up, but amazingly, Victoria was stronger. She threw him back down to the ground, a little closer to me.

"Now, now Edward – don't do that. You wouldn't want Bella to get hurt now, would you?" She moved her gaze to me. "Go ahead Bella, do it. You finally have what you want, so use it."

Again, I prepared myself to inhale the powder. As much as I didn't want to take orders from Victoria, I needed this high.

The closer I got, though, the more pain Edward was in. Not just mental pain because of me, but physical pain because of Victoria. As I was about to snort some of the cocaine, she smashed his face into the ground, creating a small crater in the shape of Edward's perfect face.

Shocked, I stopped. What was she doing?

Edward cried out in pain and looked at me pleadingly. Was there a chance I could stop her? I had a choice – Edward or the drugs.

"Stop," I whispered.

And stop she did. Victoria raised an eyebrow at me, staring at me with her piercing red eyes. Her expression was indecipherable as she stared down at me. The only emotion I could read in her face was disapproval, but there were so many feelings painted onto her face that I knew it was only a small fraction.

"Don't hurt him." My voice was still no more than a whisper.

She wickedly at me, and flung Edward against a tree.

"Stop!" I shouted. "Goddamn it Victoria, you don't want him! I'm the human that caused James to die, I'm the one you want, come for _me_! But leave him the hell alone."

The empty plastic bag lay on the ground now, its contents spilled onto the dirt. Victoria sneered at me while I stood there, shaking.

I'd chosen Edward over the drugs, and she clearly didn't expect me to. I was stronger than she thought I was; I was stronger than _I_ thought I was.

In Victoria's hesitation, Edward regained control. He seemed so much stronger now, knowing that I'd made the right decision. He jumped onto her back, and they fought harder than they had been before. She ripped off his arm, and I screamed bloody murder. Even handicapped, though, Edward managed to tear Victoria's head from the rest of her body.

While Edward made the fire and burnt Riley's and Victoria's bodies, I picked up his arm from a few yards away. Holding it away from my body, I approached Edward's side as he sat beside the fire.

Trying not to gag, I held the arm out to Edward. He smiled slightly at the look of disgust on my face. He moved his arm back to his shoulder, where it began to re-attach itself. His face distorted in pain as his limb regained function.

"It's okay, the pain will go away," I whispered to Edward as he held onto his newly reacquired arm. I held onto his hand until the pain left.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

I nodded, but he wasn't looking at me. He was still looking at the fire.

"Yes," I said quietly. "Are you?"

He turned his head towards me in shock. "Am I okay?" he asked, bewildered. "Of course I'm okay, Bella. I'm a vampire. Why wouldn't I be okay? You're the one I'm worried about. The shock of seeing Victoria and all of those other vampires, the cocaine, watching me dismember two living creatures…how are you handling it?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I was just so worried about you. I'm sorry I hesitated."

"It's fine Bella," he assured me. "You didn't hesitate! You helped me…and you had to make a very difficult choice in doing so. I could never thank you enough."

Just then, Emmett came stumbling into the spot we were sitting.

"Where is she bro?" he boomed. "Where's Victoria? I'm ready, I'm gonna get her!"

Emmett was so determined…and so late. Despite the circumstances, Edward and I laughed at his ridiculousness. The rest of the family followed through then, looking confused at our humor.

Edward pointed at the fire, and Emmett frowned. Of course – he had wanted to fight Victoria himself. I smiled lightly to myself – this was one crazy family, and I loved every single one of them.

* * *


	12. Secrets and a Revelation

AN: I know, I know, I know, it's been way too long. I'm sorry! No excuses, just read. I tried to at least give you a longer chapter since I was slacking with the updates.

**Disclaimer: This belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Derr.**

"_Where is she bro?" he yelled. "Where's Victoria? I'm ready, I'm gonna get her!"_

_Emmett was so determined…and so late. Despite the circumstances, Edward and I laughed at his ridiculousness. The rest of the family followed through then, looking confused at our humor._

_Edward pointed at the fire, and Emmett frowned. Of course – he had wanted to fight Victoria himself. I smiled lightly to myself – this was one crazy family, and I loved every single one of them._

Everyone but Esme and Jasper were back quickly after that. We were about to go back – I was in position to jump onto Edward's back while he ran – when Carlisle cleared his throat nervously.

Edward growled, hearing his father's thoughts.

"While we were fighting, one of the newborns surrendered. She wants to follow our diet –" He tried to say more, but Edward cut him off.

"Absolutely not. I'm not putting Bella's life at risk for her."

His grip on my body tightened. What was so bad about the girl?

As if he _could_ read my mind, Edward spoke to me. "Bella, newborn vampires can't control themselves the way we can…and you know how hard it still is for us. This is not happening." He looked pointedly at Carlisle.

"She's not a guinea pig," Edward glared at his father. I looked up at him, confused, and he explained that Carlisle thought it would help this newborn to learn to control herself if I were there.

"That's not such a terrible idea, Edward," I said quietly. Before he could object further, I continued. "It wouldn't be the first time that a vampire had wanted to kill me. I wouldn't _always_ be around her. I'm assuming she'd hunt a lot. Plus, I'd generally be with you all the time. Or another vampire, anyway. So I'd always be protected."

He frowned at me, and I knew by the hard look in his eyes that he wasn't going to agree with me.

"Don't turn someone away from this diet just because you're worried about me," I said sternly. "She's not going to be able to change her ways alone." Alice nodded on the other side of the tiny clearing.

This time, Edward stopped. Defeated, he turned towards Carlisle and gave him a reluctant nod. "But if anything happens to my Bella," he said lowly. "I'm not letting this newborn come remotely close to her again."

I sighed. He was much too protective of me. What's life without a little fun?

Carlisle, content with Edward's agreement, told us that Esme and Jasper had already taken the newborn, Bree, to the house. "Esme called the Denali's, too, and asked them to come down. They'll be here in a few hours."

I looked up at Edward, who grimaced at Carlisle's words for reasons I was unsure of. He pulled lightly on my hand while the rest of his family went home. Once I was firmly on his back, we followed his family, quickly catching up.

I couldn't help it when my mind slipped back to the bag of coke that Victoria had given me. In a way, I wished I could go back and retrieve it. That was most definitely the hardest thing I had done…and I almost regretted it. I wanted it so badly. Yes, Edward was worth it. But GOD – it was so hard! Victoria definitely knew what she was doing.

Another thought plagued me on the way home: Why had Edward grimaced when Carlisle had mentioned the Denali's? Weren't they friends? It didn't make sense to me. Edward wasn't usually a two faced person. The few times he'd mentioned the Denali's before, he'd led me to believe that they all got along. So why did he look so unhappy that they were coming? I thought he'd be happy. Plus, they'd be helping to keep me safe! That's what I would have thought he would be most concerned with… I'd have to ask him when we got back.

Quicker than I'd expected, as usual, we were back at the big white house. Edward barely slowed down to greet his mother, brother, and new sister as he ran us towards his room. Emmett laughed from behind us, making some crude sexual joke.

Upstairs, I merely cuddled into Edward's chest while he stroked my hair slowly.

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked me for the millionth time.

I was still thinking about the coke, but I didn't want him to know that. Instead, I smiled at him lightly. "You," I whispered before kissing him lightly.

Content with that answer, he pulled me closer to him. For once, I had to pull apart from him first in order to breathe. He smiled crookedly at me and apologized. I just rolled my eyes.

Time passed quickly as we simply lay in his bed. Soon, Emmett's voice echoed into Edward's room.

"Wow, you two are really quiet, huh? I figured Bella would've been more of a moaner." I laughed at him, but Edward was _pissed_.

He jumped out of bed, and tackled Emmett to the ground. "Emmett, you know as well as I do that we weren't doing anything."

Emmett simply laughed at him, throwing Edward off easily. "Sure, whatever you say Edward."

I could tell Edward was going to get angry again, so I called him back. With one last fleeting glance at his brother, Edward came back.

"I'm sorry," he apologized once we were back in his room. "I know it shouldn't bother me that much. It was just that comment… I hate that he thought about you in bed, even jokingly."

"Edward, that's the way a lot of people are," I told him. "You can read minds, silly. You know how people think. It's harmless."

He sighed. "You're right, I know. I just wish he wouldn't say that."

"Well it's not like he's wrong," I joked, trying to make him laugh. "I'm not exactly silent." I winked.

Instead of laughing as I'd hoped he would, Edward looked furious. He let go of me, only to grab my arms and hold me out in front of him to look me in the eye.

"What?" He asked me, his voice flat.

I frowned. "What do you mean 'what'? First off, it was a joke, Edward. Secondly, why does it matter? It's not like anyone's going to hear that from now on other than you…right?"

I had hoped that since I'd given him the hope we'd stay together long enough to sleep together – which basically implied I'd marry him, considering his morals – he would have been happy. Instead, he looked even angrier.

"'_From now on_'" he quoted me. "What exactly does that mean?"

Shit. I gulped; I hadn't even thought of the fact that he didn't know I'd slept with other men while he was gone. But he couldn't get mad at me for that, right? He's the one that had left me.

Looking at his face, though, I knew I was wrong. He _could_ get mad at me for it. And it looked like he was going to.

"You were gone," I muttered, looking down at my hands.

He wasn't having that, though. His grip on my arms slipped, and his face fell completely. Shock fluttered across his face and his jaw dropped. He was silent at first, which worried me, but before I could try to make him move, he composed himself…a little.

"You mean…you've had sex," he finally said. "With other men."

"Edward, they didn't mean anything." The second the words were out, I knew I'd made a mistake.

If he could cry, he would have been by then. The rest of the house was silent – even Bree wasn't making a sound.

"Bella, this isn't you," he whispered.

"Are you kidding?" I was yelling, but I didn't even care. "Edward, you already KNOW that I was different! Bella Swan died while you were gone! Bella was a sweet, nice, _innocent_ girl. The Bella you returned to was a drug addict. God that was barely even _me_ fucking those men. I was completely different. THIS is me! Jesus Christ Edward! I'm trying to be honest with you, and you're saying 'this isn't you'. Of COURSE it isn't. But I'm different now. I'm not the person I was then."

He only looked more pained after my outburst, and a little angrier, too.

"How do I know that, Bella?" he asked me. "How am I supposed to know that this IS you? You've changed so much. I don't know how to tell if you're being honest."

"And how should I know that you're being honest when you say that you won't leave me again?" I asked. He opened his mouth to object, but I stopped him. "I don't, Edward. But I _trust_ you. That's the key. We've both messed up – don't you see that? But the point is, we're working together to fix it. Right?"

I felt like I was talking to a kid, especially when he simply nodded, ashamed at himself.

"You _know_ that I don't want to sleep with anyone else," I reminded him. He nodded.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. Before we could say more, he sat up in response to a noise he heard. A few seconds later, I heard a car pull up to their driveway.

I assumed that the Denali clan must be here. I had forgotten to ask Edward about his weird response earlier, but I'd just have to later. It was too late now.

"We'll finish this later, okay?" I asked Edward. He nodded, taking my hand to bring me downstairs.

A few girls and two men were standing at the doorway when Edward and I reached the bottom of the stairs. They all seemed to turn at my scent, but only one of the vampires said something.

"Bella?" Laurent asked.

Surprised, I turned to see him staring at me with almost golden eyes. It appeared that he'd adapted to the 'vegetarian' lifestyle quite well. And judging by the blond-haired girl he was holding hands with, his move to Alaska had helped him in more ways than I'd expected.

"Laurent," I said, smiling at him. "It's nice to see you again."

He returned my smile. "You as well. I'm sorry about Victoria…I knew she'd try to get revenge, but I didn't think she'd go quite so far."

I told him that everything was okay, and that I held no blame against him, much to his relief. The strawberry blond girl standing closest to Esme turned to Edward and me next.

"Ahh, Edward," she sighed as she pulled him into her arms, trying to tear him away from me.

I frowned. Who was this?

"Hello Tanya." Edward pulled away from her and turned to me, smiling. The tension from our argument was still there, but I tried to ignore it. "This is my girlfriend, Bella."

Tanya looked me up and down, as if appraising me. "_This_ is Bella?" Her tone wasn't exactly complimenting.

I looked down at my feet. Of course she wouldn't think I was good enough for Edward. My hair was brittle and dull, my eyes were bloodshot, and my arms were covered in bruises. Not to mention I was severely underweight.

Edward held me a little closer and kissed the top of my head, as if that answered Tanya's question.

"I always imagined her…prettier." Tanya's voice was sour. "She looks like a drug addict." I froze in Edward's arms.

"Bella's recovering from a tough time right now." Thank God for Carlisle at times like these.

Tanya raised an eyebrow and glanced at me quickly before stepping closer to Edward. "Edward, you could do so much better than her."

Edward stepped back from Tanya, pulling me with him, but didn't say anything.

"I'd really appreciate if you wouldn't talk about me as if I'm not here," I finally spoke.

Tanya laughed at me. "Oh, I'm sorry Bella. It's just that, well, you're so small and frail looking. It makes you seem rather…insignificant. I had completely forgotten about you!"

I clenched my teeth, but didn't speak. What could I say? I was a fragile human. And Tanya was, well, a vampire. I looked to Edward in hopes that he would stand up for me.

"You're completely wrong, Tanya," he said as he grabbed me and pulled me away. I could almost feel the anger radiating off of him.

But Edward wasn't being honest…Tanya was right. I _was_ insignificant. She had hit home without even realizing it. I wasn't meant to be with Edward. That's why he had left me before. He could do better. He could have Tanya. What was I compared to her?

Tanya's sister Carmen looked at her quizzically, causing Tanya's attitude to change alarmingly quickly.

"Oh, no, Bella…" Her voice almost shook. "I truly am sorry. I just get jealous very easily. I'm not usually like this at all, I promise. Please, forgive me?"

I felt the shock cover my expression. What was with the sudden mood swing? I whispered an acceptance to her apology before slipping out of Edward's arms to get upstairs. Surprisingly, he let me go, although he did follow me up to my room.

He stood in the doorway for a moment while I sat on the bed with my head in my hands. _She looks like a drug addict_. I _was_ a drug addict. Edward _could_ do better than me.

Edward finally moved from his spot in the doorway and took my hands in his.

"Bella, look at me." I kept my head down, so he tilted my face towards his. "Don't listen to her, Bella. I've never seen Tanya act that way before. She's wrong. You know that, don't you?"

I didn't answer him. I wanted to look back down again, but he still had my face in his, so instead I merely closed my eyes.

"What happened between you two?" I managed to whisper.

"Open your eyes," he calmly pleaded with me. I kept them shut tight. "Bella, nothing happened."

This time, I opened my eyes. "Nothing?" I questioned. "Then why is she acting like something did?"

He frowned, the most beautiful frown possible, although it hurt to see him upset. "She's expressed interest in me before. But I didn't hold the same feelings for her as she did with me. I turned her down as politely as possible."

As if sensing my disbelief, he kissed my lips lightly and continued. "Bella, you're the only one I've ever loved. The only one I ever _will_ love. Always."

As usual, he was able to sway me emotions around quickly. I smiled slightly at him, earning another kiss, and cuddled into his chest.

"You're cute when you're jealous," he gently teased in a whisper.

Pretending to be offended, I slapped his arm. I couldn't stop smiling though, so he didn't fall for it at all.

I didn't have the chance to get too comfortable because Edward tensed and someone knocked on the door. "May I come in?" Tanya's perfect voice came from the opposite side.

Edward looked at me warily, but nodded, answering my unasked question of whether she would be nice. He told her she could enter, and she came in slowly.

I tried to disentangle myself from Edward into a more presentable position, but he only held me closer. "What is it Tanya?" he nearly growled the words.

I looked up at Edward, shocked. Tanya was his family friend; I never expected him to be so rude to her, no matter how mean she was. Tanya looked down at her feet awkwardly, as awkwardly as vampire can be anyway, and said nothing at first.

Finally, she looked up at me. "Bella, I just wanted to apologize. I didn't mean to give you such an awful impression. I'm _never_ like that. I don't know where it came from, and I feel terrible."

I looked cautiously at Edward to know if she was being honest. His expression had softened a considerable amount, and he had a small smile. He nodded at me again.

Attempting a small smile, I accepted Tanya's apology.

She left shortly after to give Edward and me our time alone, but her earlier words kept going through my mind, and I desperately wanted to do _something_. I knew Edward, nor any other Cullens, would never let me near the stuff again. But I couldn't stop thinking about how badly I wanted it.

The front door opened downstairs as the boys returned with Bree, interrupting my thoughts. This must be so hard for her, struggling to control her thirst, especially with a human in the house. In a way, we had something in common. We both wanted something awful, something we shouldn't want. But we both felt we needed it. For Bree, it was human blood. For me, it was drugs.

Maybe I had just found a way for the Cullens to relate to my problems a little bit more…

* * *

I told Edward and Alice about my thoughts later.

"When you were newborns, remember how hard it was for you to refrain from human blood?" I had asked. They nodded in response. "You wanted human blood more than anything. But you were able to stop yourself."

Judging by Alice's knowing smile, I could tell she knew where I was taking this. But she must have been hiding her thoughts, because Edward asked me what I was trying to say.

"You knew that it would be a bad thing to kill a human for their blood, right?" I asked. "Well, I know this is completely different, but maybe drugs are similar. They're both terrible things to want, but they both give off the same feeling of need. I feel like I _need_ the drugs, just as you probably felt you _needed_ the human blood."

Edward and Alice turned to each other, Alice with a smile, and Edward a contemplative look. Occasionally, Edward would nod, shrug, or shake his head. Clearly, they were having a silent conversation.

Edward's eyes suddenly lit up. "Perfect."

I cocked my head. "What's perfect?" I asked.

Alice was the one to reply to me. "As you know, Jasper's been struggling more than any of us with this diet. I'm sure you remember your 18th birthday party." I shuddered. "After that night, he worked even harder at keeping himself…clean, I suppose you would call it. He just needed that catalyst to get him going. Maybe this fight with Victoria was your own catalyst. You chose Edward over drugs, Bella. That's such an accomplishment." Yes, I knew that already. Still, I smiled at her praise.

She paused for a moment and looked at Edward, who nodded ever so slightly. "Basically, Bella, what I'm trying to say is that I think you could use this dreadful event to your benefit," she explained. "The fight with Victoria, to you, could be like the birthday party was to Jasper – a method to help you pick yourself up and start over. You can turn it into a good thing."

Edward clearly agreed. He kissed the top of my head and held me a little closer to him. I was a little bit closer to recovery, and I knew I'd definitely be able to get there with Edward by my side.

"This is great Bella," he said into my ear. "I'm really proud of you for finding a way to explain your addiction in a more understandable way to us vampires."

"And I think that it's a good thing Bree is here," Alice chimed in. "Not only are we helping her, but Bella, she might be able to help you in a way. You two are both working towards bettering yourselves. I know Edward won't let you anywhere near her for a while, but I still think it's perfect."

She was smiling at me greatly, her perfect white teeth almost glowing in the light of the room. They were finally growing to accept the fact that I'd turned to drugs in their absence. And now they could _truly_ help me.


	13. Charlie

AN: It's been months, I know, and I'm SO sorry! I was in Spain for a while, then I had college apps, THEN I got in a car accident, and everything's just been a mess. I feel awful, I'm so sorry. ): There's a very important author's note at the bottom, please read.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all of this. She's the author of the Twilight saga, in case ya didn't know!

* * *

_"This is great Bella," he said into my ear. "I'm really proud of you for finding a way to explain your addiction in a more understandable way to us vampires."_

_"And I think that it's a good thing Bree is here," Alice chimed in. "Not only are we helping her, but Bella, she might be able to help you in a way. You two are both working towards bettering yourselves. I know Edward won't let you anywhere near her for a while, but I still think it's perfect."_

_She was smiling at me greatly, her perfect white teeth almost glowing in the light of the room. They were finally growing to accept the fact that I'd turned to drugs in their absence. And now they could __truly__ help me._

I was completely wiped out from the events of the day, but instead of returning to bed, Edward thought that now would be the perfect time to go over the fact that I slept with other men, again. As much as I'd rather not talk about it, I _had_ told him that we'd talk about it later. And it seemed that later was now.

"I thought you understood what I said earlier," I sighed.

"Yes, I understand…but it's still shocking," he explained. "My sweet, beautiful Bella Swan isn't a virgin… I can never be her first."

"You'll be the first one I'll be able to remember," I joked, trying to get him to smile. His nostrils flared, telling me that my attempt at humor had failed. "That's a joke, Edward. Well, sort of. But really! I wasn't myself when I was with them, I told you that. You _will_ be the first one to sleep with _me_. The other men slept with another woman entirely."

He raised one eyebrow, but otherwise seemed to understand.

"How I wish I could read your mind sometimes," he murmured.

I smiled. "I know, it must be brutal."

He pulled me forward and planted a kiss on my forehead, but I wasn't done. When I'd told him that we could take about it later, I hadn't meant that we would just talk about my sex life from when he was gone.

"Edward, do you trust me?" I asked him.

He pushed me back and stared at me. "Of course," he whispered.

"So then why are you making a big deal out of this?" I asked. "I know that it sucks, but honestly, I think it sucks a bit more when the love of your life walks out on you. I'm not trying to make you feel bad or play the pity role, and I'm sorry if I'm coming off that way. But if I can trust you after that…then you're going to need to trust me, too."

His eyes closed and he was breathing deeply for a few minutes. Finally, he opened his eyes and looked at me so lovingly I was breathless.

"Bella, I trust you with everything in me. I think I was just…shocked. Even though I _knew_ you had changed tremendously, I still couldn't believe you had been with another man, much less _men_. But I can understand what you mean about how you were another person entirely. It's hard, but I understand. I'm just so sorry that I wasn't there."

"I forgive you. I forgave you a while ago, you know that," I reminded him. "Please stop worrying."

He smiled – it was a small one, but a smile nonetheless. "I can't; it's my nature."

I laughed out loud at that one. "That's so true."

We lay in bed for a while, and he hummed my lullaby to me while I drifted off. I could feel him tracing my arms, tracing the various scars, trace marks, and bruises, but I knew that he was just coming to terms with what happened. He wasn't angry anymore.

He woke me up with a start, shaking my body lightly. "Bella, we need to go."

"Mm, no. I don't want to," I rolled into him and smiled as his wonderful scent drifted into my nostrils. "Five more minutes Edward."

I expected him to give into my demands as usual, but he continued to shake me. "No, Bella!" His voice was unexpectedly harsh. "We _need_ to leave. They're bringing Bree into the house."

Still confused in my sleepy state, I could only look at him with confused eyes.

He smiled slightly, kissed me, and said, "I'll just carry you, love."

He jumped out of his window and I curled into his body more as the cool wind hit us. "Where are we going, Edward?" I mumbled as he ran.

"Our meadow," he replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Of course," I giggled.

He wrapped a blanket around me, and we spoke about absolutely nothing, yet everything at the same time. He whispered sweet nothings in my ear, and everything felt alright for a little while. But of course, we couldn't stay for too long.

I could feel Edward's phone vibrating in his pocket through my blanket.

"Yes?" he answered.

"Edward, the Denalis want to take Bree out soon," Carlisle's voice rang through the speaker phone. "They're considering taking her home with them to teach her. They're further away from civilization, and they've done this recently with Laurent. Plus, it would help us to help Bella if we didn't have to worry about teaching a newborn…especially with a human in the house."

The bronze-haired vampire next to me nodded, although his father obviously couldn't see. "That makes perfect sense," he agreed.

So that we wouldn't have to worry about Bree finding us in the woods, we headed back home again. I really hoped that the Denalis did take her with them, because I definitely did not want to keep doing this.

When we got home, though, Edward and I were both surprised to find everyone at the dining room table.

"What's going on?" Edward asked.

Huh. They must have even been blocking their thoughts from him.

"Sit down, please," Carlisle said seriously.

I looked up at Edward tensely, wondering what had happened. Was someone hurt? Leaving? Did I do something? Was it Tanya?

My thoughts continued to spin as Edward and I sat and he squeezed my hand under the table. I could tell from his frustrated expression that they were still blocking him.

Alice was the first one to speak. "We've been thinking about the next step of your recovery," she said slowly.

"No," Edward growled. "Not yet."

Alice's eyes flashed to him defiantly, but she didn't say anything to him.

"Bella, we think it might be a good idea for you to see Charlie," Esme softly recommended.

My eyes widened and I turned to Edward with shocked eyes. He wasn't looking at me, though. His eyes had gone pitch black, and he was glaring at Alice.

"Whose idea was this?" He said so ferociously that I was almost scared.

"Mine," Esme said.

Edward turned to her with surprise written all over his expression. "Why?" He whispered. "She's not ready."

"I think she can speak for herself, bro," Emmett reminded him. "She's matured a lot recently. She can make her own decisions."

I cut in this time. "I couldn't before?" I was only half joking.

"Of course you could!" Emmett amended. "But I think it's about time Edward recognized that fact."

I sank lower in my seat. See Charlie again? I didn't know if I was ready.

I shook my head. "Not yet, Esme. I want to see him, I really do. But I can't yet. I want to know for sure that I'll be perfect. I can't disappoint him more. Looking back, it kills me what I did to him."

Esme's face was warm as she regarded my thoughts. "But Bella, don't you see? You'll disappoint him if you _don't_ go back soon. He must miss you like crazy."

Looking down, I muttered, "Not the Bella he remembers me as."

"So show him you've changed," Rosalie said. "This is your chance. Even if you aren't as far along as you want to be, you're getting there. I'm more than willing to bet that he's struggling without you. It'll make him so happy to see you again."

I looked to Edward for advice, but his expression was blank and his eyes unseeing. Whether he was upset at them for bringing this idea up, or if he was just trying to let me make my own decision, I was unsure.

"When can we go?" I finally said.

Esme smiled and was at my side instantly. "I promise this will be a good thing," she whispered in my ear.

* * *

Edward came with me to Charlie's – my former – house. His cruiser was in the driveway, so I knew he was home. After a few deep breaths, I gained the courage to go to the door, Edward at my side the entire time.

I paused at the doorstep before knocking. Edward squeezed my hand, assuring me he was there and he wouldn't leave without me telling him to. I closed my eyes and knocked.

The sound of the television stopped, and I could hear Charlie's slow, heavy footsteps as he came towards the door. After fiddling with the lock a bit, he opened it and gasped when he saw me.

"Bella," he exhaled.

"Daddy," I whispered, trying to decide whether it was better to look at him or my shoes. "I'm so sorry."

Before I knew what was happening, I was in his arms.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he kept saying. "I missed you so much. I thought I'd lost you forever to those drugs."

"Never," I promised.

He eventually pushed me back a bit to look at me. "You're looking…better," he muttered, still smiling with tears in his eyes. "Still a bit too thin and not what I remember you as, but… Oh, honey, this is such an improvement."

I smiled. "I've been getting better. I've been getting a lot of help from the Cullens…" I trailed off as Charlie saw Edward standing by me for the first time.

"What are you doing?" My father hissed at Edward.

"Sir," Edward nodded his head a little. "I know an apology would never be enough, but –"

Before he could finish, Charlie cut him off. "No, it couldn't. Bella, please don't tell me you're back with him."

My mouth opened and shut a few times before I could form words. "Of course," I whispered, tears welling in my eyes. "Daddy, if it weren't for him –"

"If it weren't for him, I would have never lost you. If it weren't for him, you wouldn't have ever felt the need to use _drugs_."

Edward flinched, and I knew that he had been telling himself the same thing. Great, now I'd really have to work on that with him.

"Dad, if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have gotten better, either.

He took a deep breath. Apparently deciding being with me again was more important and putting up with Edward, he invited us in.

Sitting on that familiar couch brought back so many memories. This is where Edward and I watched Romeo and Juliet before he left, I told myself. I was so different then…no wonder Charlie was so miserable.

I finally took the change to look at my father. He looked so worn out and tired. He had bags under his eyes and his messy hair had been graying more and more. He seemed to slump a little, something he had never done before. Had I done this to him?

"Daddy, I missed you so much," I said. "I feel awful. I can't believe the way I treated you."

"Oh Bella." He was by my side quickly – the opposite side of Edward, that is. "I forgive you. Of course I forgive you, you're my only baby. You're my everything."

I gave him a kiss on the cheek, and he hugged me again. We weren't perfect again – we were far from it. But he'd accepted me back. And that was more than I could ever ask for.

As the three of us sat on the old, tattered couch, I explained to him how much the Cullens had helped me since their return. He listened closely, nodding and smiling and frowning randomly.

"Thank you," he whispered over my head to Edward. Shocked, I held my breath. "I can't thank you enough. I've only been blaming you for _hurting_ her…but you fix your mistakes. You've helped her more than I, her father, ever could."

"I love her, too, sir," Edward said.

Charlie smiled, and pulled me into his arms. It was a bit awkward since Edward wouldn't let me go, but I began to feel whole again.

I had my father back, my family back, my Edward back. My life was definitely getting back on track.

* * *

AN: Alright, so don't kill me, but this story is being put on an indefinite hold. I'm so sorry to do this, but it's better than making you guys wait for something that isn't coming, I think. I tried to at least leave you with something good; I hope it was good enough. I'm so sorry guys! :( I just feel so…detached from "Getting Better" lately. I might write other stories in the mean time, but I'm just drifting from this one entirely. Again, I'm SO sorry. But it's not forever! (I don't think….) so don't hate me too much! It's being marked as "complete," but I don't think it is.


End file.
